Fraternity Brothers With No Previous Interaction Forced To Hangout Due To Limited Summer Options
ORLANDO — An unlikely companionship is budding over at the Tau Mu house between 5th-year senior Jerry “Jumbo Jet” Jennings and sophomore member Tim Bennett. Only ever head nodding while passing each other in the hallways or out at the bars before Tuesday, the two have since joined forces to combat the summer lull.
“I think I might have seconded his motion to close in chapter once,” recalled a pondering Jennings. “Yeah… that sounds like something I’d do.”
“When I tried to introduce myself at rush he just handed me his empty beer and walked away,” Bennett told TFM. “With a 150 man chapter, we hadn’t really crossed paths since.”
But with the majority of brothers either back home for the summer or moving out of the house, Bennett and Jennings are becoming more familiar with one another by the day. Hungover and sprawled out on the couches in the lounge half-heartedly watching Wimbledon, Bennett broke the ice by asking Jerry if he was hungry.
“He just kind of grunted at first, but after a few minutes he finally cracked.”
“I had plans on hitting up Panda Buffet,” said a salivating Jennings. “But when Schmitty, Hanahan, and Greenberg didn’t answer my texts, I knew I was in a desperate spot. And I figured it couldn’t be worse than watching one more second of tennis.”
The next hour and a half was filled with sparse observation-based conversation and all-you-can eat lo mein, but both Bennett and Jennings seemed to be at least tolerant of the other’s company. This was evident when Jennings actually approached Bennett at World of Beer later on in the day.
“I think the turning point was when Jerry saw the girls I was with at the bar,” voiced a boastful Bennett. “He warmed up to me in a hurry after that.”
“What can I say? Game respect game. And if getting laid meant putting up with that toolshed for a few more hours, so be it.”
Jennings capitalized on Bennett’s sorority connections, going home with Kelly “Dyson” Davis.
“I thought she sucked my piece clean off. God bless that little fucker Tim and God bless his busty friend’s mouth.”
Bennett is optimistic about the progress he’s made with the upperclassman, but is realistic in his expectations moving forward.
“I know once the fall semester starts, and everyone’s back in town, it’ll probably go back to the way it was before. But for the time being — as the great Billy Joel once said — we’re sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it’s better than drinking alone.”
“Jesus, he said that?” asked a disgusted Jennings. “How did we not ball this kid?”.
Where the fuck is Fail Friday, you pointy-nippled goon?!
9 years ago at 12:11 pmThis reads like the back of an Edy’s ice cream container, which probably isn’t a coincidence.
9 years ago at 12:14 pmBoosh fucked up with his tweet about Dallas. I’m done with this fucking site. You guys aren’t true fraternity men. You guys are fucking posers. Quit bitching about stupid shit. Lap the shit out of me, go ahead. But mark my words: you are single handedly causing the downfall of a once great system. Have some respect, morons. It’s a tragic day in America and all you fucking idiots can do is make a joke. What a bunch of fucking morons. Go ahead. Blackball me. Block me. Lap me. But just know that you are the ones that are fucking up.
9 years ago at 12:16 pmAt the risk of getting lapped, what’d he tweet?
9 years ago at 12:32 pmIt wasn’t joke about the shooting and Pokemon go, I thought it was pretty lame joke to begin with and it was way too soon
9 years ago at 12:38 pmWas* Fucking shitty app not letting me edit comments causing me to seem insensitive and get lapped
9 years ago at 12:42 pmAnd I directly quote (because I cannot put up a screenshot): “BREAKING: Officer seen running toward gunfire actually chasing down rare Mewtwo in Pokemon Go #Dallas”
9 years ago at 12:39 pmnot a good thing to joke about to begin with but it really just wasn’t a a funny joke either
9 years ago at 12:41 pmBoosh may have made a shitty tweet but at least he’s one of the better writers on this site. If Wally or Franzia said that I would be trying to find out where they live so I could pinch one off down their chimney
9 years ago at 12:45 pmWhat’s wrong with you
9 years ago at 3:23 pmDon’t care how much I get lapped you sound like one of the whiny college kids we all regularly made fun of. A writer for the site made a joke you found objectionable, and instead of moving on like an adult, you throw some self righteous tantrum. Being offended is a choice, regardless of what you’ve decided to be offended by.
9 years ago at 12:52 pmYou’re damn right. Being offended is a choice. And if your offended by me being offended, the fuck off.
9 years ago at 2:50 pmI’m offended that you find my offense to your offense offensive. I can do this dance all God damned day!
9 years ago at 2:55 pmStop yelling at me for telling you for yelling at Cosmo for yelling at Wanda!
9 years ago at 3:21 pmGo ahead and lap me, but Dallas is my home. My parents were at The Dallas Petroleum Club last night, only a stones throw away from where a madman was laying havoc to an entire city. I’m no one to use the term “entitled,” but I think it in this situation, I am a little more than entitled to be outraged by the insensitivity of one dumbass staffer. The next time major media portrays Greek life as a bad thing, tell me your not offended, because you will be, ZeteNJ. It’s something that is close to your heart. Well Dallas is close to my heart, and I have every right to be outraged and angry about the snide comment of one fucking moron.
9 years ago at 2:57 pmListen I’m the type to make fucked up jokes and shit, but there is some tact that needs to be held. When you’re part of a system that is being constantly scrutinized, you have to play the game and try to be a good example for who we are as fraternity men.
9 years ago at 2:54 pmFurthermore, I get the Jeselnik/Tosh pov that you have to be able to laugh at everything, but the writers of this site aren’t the ones needing to make shitty jokes like that. We’re supposed to be satirizing our own lives, not antagonizing those outside our realm. If we start doing that, we’re no better than BLM and the PC brigade.
9 years ago at 2:56 pm100%, I call Dallas home and the shithead felt the need to joke about an actual tragedy where people lost their lives. Fuck being offended, I’m angry.
9 years ago at 12:21 amMy Lilly Esin once in a blue moon got a new choice of the crop Chevrolet Corvette Stingray Coupe by unavailable off of a laptop… flash it out…….—-
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“fraternity men” haha
9 years ago at 2:32 amBeing in a fraternity but never meeting your brother… Yeah some brotherhood you got there
9 years ago at 12:20 pmWe’ve clearly found the liberal arts frat star.
9 years ago at 1:59 pmWell played
9 years ago at 2:34 pmShow us your tits, Dan
9 years ago at 1:22 pm“Local fatass Dan Regester forced to go to gym because of limited summer options”
9 years ago at 2:06 pmHow much do you bench, thevaginator?
9 years ago at 2:17 pmAbout 345, so roughly your body weight.
9 years ago at 6:16 pmGod damn I love piano man
9 years ago at 1:13 pm