This Craigslist Ad Offers A Can’t-Miss Deal On A Perfect Table For Doing Cocaine

Harrison Lee10 years ago

Are you in need of a new table? Do you do cocaine? Are you in need of a new table on which to do your cocaine? If you said yes to either one of these questions, you are in luck because I found the deal of a lifetime for you.

One man in Washington D.C. is selling his mirror and glass coffee table set for $100 that is PERFECT for doing cocaine. Here is said table set:

Looks good, but don’t let me sell it to you; let the man pitch it himself.

From CraigsList:

DO YOU LIKE COCAINE? Then this is the table for you!!!! Straight out of the 80s and commissioned by Tony Montana HIMSELF, I am selling a FULLY MIRRORED coffee table and TWO end tables.

Let me tell you what, these things are AWESOME. You’ll be cutting up and insufflating piles of BOOGER SUGAR in NO TIME! These things are built to last and will have you going until your heart LITERALLY EXPLODES. Its time to ditch your old fraternity composite, put on some big boy pants, and install an EXPRESS LANE to Colombia RIGHT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.

Selling as a complete set ONLY!

TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW!

Well shit. I wasn’t in the market for a new table but now I get the feeling that I am. I actually have to buy this table now. Pretty much a steal to have the express lane to Colombia right in my living room.

This guy takes the mantra “always be closing” to a whole new level. You can’t drum a sales pitch like that without some sort of business cred..

[via CraigsList]