Petition Calls For The Cincinnati Bengals To Be Renamed The Cincinnati Harambes
The world cannot change our atrocities against Harambe, the Cincinnati zoo gorilla who heroically died for our sins (Psalms, 3:11-16). But one thing we can do is properly honor his memory. And what better way to do that than by renaming the gorilla’s hometown NFL team name?
A Cincinnati Bengals fan recently started a petition to rename the Bengals to the Harambes, and it’s a team name change that needs to happen. It’s truly the best thing to come out of Cincy since…ever (the bar is pretty low, let’s be honest).
The Cleveland Browns named their team after a former Coach who made a great impact on their city so why cant the Bengals do it as well in honor of a hero who made an impact on their city too! #DicksoutforHarambe
Ending with a strong #dicksoutforHarambe is a bat flip to this home run idea.
It’s about time the NFL gets some much-needed positive PR and stands up for Harambe. I miss him so fucking much right now.
And the support for this name change is strong. The petition had nearly 7,000 signatures when this article was written on Monday morning. That’s 6,800 more signatures than there are Bengals fans, according to a survey I made up for this article.
Even the petition’s commenters feel passionate about the change.
“My dick can’t stay in my pants anymore after Harambe’s wrongful passing. This will hopefully put my wiener to rest, and honor Harambe in a special way that no amount of dicks ever could.”
I, for one, hope this man’s wiener can finally be put to rest. Do the right thing, Bengals. Change the name, change the dicks, change the world.
We’re still waiting for the Bengals to respond to the petition. Hopefully the team remembers that silence is violence. Each passing hour they go without changing the name, six gorillas in America will be brutally murdered at the hands of zookeepers according to the same survey I made up earlier.
RIP Harambe..
Click here to be the proud new owner of this limited edition “Cincinatti Harambes” t-shirt.
[via Change.org]
Image via Youtube
The number of arrests for public indecency would be outstanding. Dicks out for Harambe.
10 years ago at 8:37 amI can’t wait until the start of next month when this fucking joke fades away
10 years ago at 8:38 amThat being said dicks out until then
10 years ago at 8:38 ammine is part frozen part sunburned
10 years ago at 10:56 amGet the fuck outta my comment with your shitty reply
10 years ago at 12:11 pmThe article was a solid 3 until you threw in that survey shit.
10 years ago at 8:44 amWhat?
10 years ago at 8:58 amTHE ARTICLE WAS A SOLID 3 UNTIL YOU THREW IN THAT SURVEY SHIT
10 years ago at 1:21 pmTampa Bay Harambes sound a lot better.
10 years ago at 8:46 amCincinnati is a beautiful place you take that back
10 years ago at 9:17 amThe team being lead by someone nicknamed the red rifle is too much irony for me. I’m out.
10 years ago at 9:19 amMaybe the name change will help them do more than an early playoff exit each season
10 years ago at 9:22 amDick’s out for the bengals doesn’t have the same ring to it
10 years ago at 10:09 amIt was a funny joke until the annoying guy who holds on to a joke for too long started saying it. That guy is the staff of TFM.
10 years ago at 11:07 amThe browns suck
10 years ago at 11:45 amI think saying the Browns suck is being nice too
10 years ago at 11:56 amHey man, didn’t we lock you in a dumpster one time?
10 years ago at 12:59 pmthis is one of those articles where you don’t have to open it because you already know everything from the title
10 years ago at 11:29 am