Ryan Lochte Apologized For Rio Fiasco In The Most Ryan Lochte Way On Instagram
As some of our astute readers already know, Ryan Lochte and the Team USA swimmers weren’t robbed at gunpoint, like he said they were. They got drunk, peed on the side of a gas station, and kicked in a bathroom door. Ryan Lochte attempted to apologize this morning on Instagram. Key word: attempted.
That was about as Ryan Lochte of an apology as you can get. Didn’t really apologize for lying, but apologized for how he worded things. Still thinks he’s done no wrong. Classic Lochte. There is still a lot of confusing Brazilian muck to wade through, but the basic outline of the night is something like this:
Lochte and the swimmers were drunk. They stopped and peed on the side of a gas station. The owner was like, “Hey, use the bathroom.” So they kicked in the door and trashed the bathroom.
The owner gets mad and tells their taxi not to leave. When the police show up, they force Lochte and the other swimmers out. When some of them drunkenly bolt, the officer pulls a gun.
This stuff at least is consistent with Lochte’s story. It seems like they agreed Lochte would pay for the damage to the door.
What I’m still wondering is why make up the story at all? Lochte paid over $100 to the gas station owner, which as everyone knows is more money than anyone in Brazil has ever seen. It was obviously hush cash.
Why blow the lid after you’ve already paid up? The only explanation is that Lochte was so drunk he woke up with vague memories and misunderstandings due to the language barrier and actually believed he had been robbed.
As one of our Wall contributors put it best:
That puts the cap on this very weird and very stupid trilogy.
Lochte, think about your life. Moron..
Image via Instagram/@ryanlochte
Doubling down. TFM.
9 years ago at 10:42 amHe thought when he dyed his hair gray it would make him more mature.
9 years ago at 10:43 amIm really torn on this, because going to a foreign country, winning gold, getting drunk, fucking shit up, lying about it and bailing is TFTC, leaving your friends behind to deal with your shit is NF.
9 years ago at 10:46 amFuck that. Send him back there.
9 years ago at 10:59 amStart your home business right now. Spend more time with your family and earn. Start bringing $90/hr just on a computer. Very easy wayto make your life happy and earning continuously. Start here”…. Go to website and go to tech tab for more work details….. http://bit.do/ctzBN
9 years ago at 12:29 pmEven his apologies aren’t as good as Phelps’
9 years ago at 10:47 amBeing naturally gifted and going to Rio for the 2016 olympics and not really caring about the athletic part and underperforming and then getting drunk and peeing on a door and lying about a story to make your dick seem huge then giving a half assed apology. TFM
9 years ago at 10:59 amA for effort
9 years ago at 11:46 amAnd I’m sure he wrote exactly zero percent of that apology. Thank you U.S. Swim team public relations department. We appreciate your heartfelt regret.
9 years ago at 11:08 amHaving someone else write your apology. TFM.
9 years ago at 1:27 pmFarva. NF.
Being a victim is totally in now. Everyone’s doing it
9 years ago at 11:17 amI actually don’t think he was lying at first when he said he got robbed. Lochte (especially hammered Lochte) is definitely stupid enough to not connect the dots and realize that the uniformed officer was demanding money to pay for the shit he just vandalized seconds earlier. Basically, I think he truly believed he was robbed at gunpoint, but then embellished some of details to make the story sound cooler, which is definitely a TFM.
9 years ago at 11:26 amThe nation parliament building in the Bahamas looks like a regular building and a great place to drunkenly pee…just saying
9 years ago at 11:28 amThere’s a reason why this swimmer was cast in the role of “idiot”.
9 years ago at 11:44 am