24 Syllabus Week Power Moves

El Taco8 years ago

Did you know it only takes seven seconds to leave a lasting first impression? Lucky for you, syllabus week lasts seven whole days, and gives you the opportunity to make many first impressions on your college professors. This is an ever-important week for you to establish yourself as an alpha male, a pack leader. Here are the top 24 power moves to pull during syllabus week:

1. Actively drinking in class and not even trying to conceal it.
2. Going on campus solely to haze your pledges.
3. Hazing other chapters’ pledges by pretending to be an active member they don’t know.
4. Asking the ethics professor if he/she would’ve shot Harambe.
5. Letting the girl next to you know that this is your 3rd time taking this class so she should go directly to you with any questions.
6. Enrolling in a women’s studies class for all the wrong reasons.
7. Enrolling in a sexual behavior class for all the wrong reasons.
8. Impersonating a professor and canceling class before it starts.
9. Racking up more arrests than classes attended.
10. Rushing a Christian ministry fraternity, attending their root beer pong event, claiming you “thought it was BYO vodka and cocaine” when confronted.
11. Facetiming into a lecture from the shitter.
12. Getting blackout drunk, passing out, and having your pledges carry your lifeless body to the front row of your class so you can get attendance points.
13. Doing lines of sweet Colombian bam bam with your hot new TA.
14. Asking too many too-specific questions to your criminal justice professor.
15. Starting a bullshit business.
16. Whipping your dick out for Harambe.
17. Finding the most clueless freshman, taking him in, raising him as your own.
18. Watch checking the professor after 5 minutes.
19. Starting every class discussion with “Actually, what our forefathers would’ve wanted is…”
20. Ripping shots in the hallway but never entering the classroom.
21. Starting a fist fight with someone on the football team solely to get him arrested and thus be known as “that guy who got the backup running back kicked off the team.”
22. Attending class in full Edward Fortyhands attire.
23. Not going to class without a BAC over .08.
24. Not going to class..

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