The 3 Worst Coaching Jobs From Week 1 Of The College Football Season
1. Mark Stoops
Team: Kentucky
Game Result: Lost to Southern Mississippi after blowing a 30-point lead at home.
Kentucky folded faster than the French Army at the first sign of war, losing at home to Southern Mississippi after holding a four possession lead midway through the third quarter. Stoops, who is supposedly a defensive expert, watched his supposedly heralded defense surrender six consecutive scores and nearly 400 yards of total offense in just fourteen minutes of actual game time.
This was supposed to be a make or break year for the youngest Stoops brother, with many expecting Mark and his below .500 career record to re-conjoin with his doppelgänger brothers in Norman. Now, with an out-of-conference loss to one of the three worst teams on their 2016 slate, it seems highly unlikely the Wildcats make a bowl game, probably sending Stoops to the unemployment line.
Good news for Big Blue Nation, though — basketball practice starts in less than a month.
2. Clay Helton
Team: USC
Game Result: Lost 52-6 to Alabama and former coach Lane Kiffin.
Welcome to major college football, coach. The Trojans, with one of the most talented rosters in the nation including seven all-conference performers and the highest average recruiting star rating per player of any team, looked like a high school squad scrimmaging the Patriots. Alabama completely had their way with the Trojans, facing less resistance than America did in the battle of the Conch Republic vs. the USA en route to nearly 500 yards of total offense and seven touchdowns.
The scariest part? It could’ve been far worse. While Nick Saban is not usually one to run up the score, Bama Offensive Coordinator and former USC Head Coach Lane Kiffin kept his foot slightly off the gas late in the game, toying with the demoralized Trojans as three Crimson Tide quarterbacks accounted for touchdowns in the second half. By the end of the third quarter, Alabama was averaging over ten yards per play — not exactly a recipe for defensive stops.
Helton will get some time in LA to fix the clusterfuck that has been the successive eras post-Pete Carroll, but, with a roster as talented as any in the country, it has to be troubling to see just how far the Trojans lag behind the truly elite teams of 2016, and the mental state of what looked to be a frustrated and beleaguered young team in the midst of Saturday’s curb stomping.
3. Butch Jones
Team: Tennessee
Game Result: Beat App. State in OT 20-13
Ok, Volunteers fans, it’s time to shut the fuck up indefinitely. For what has to be the 5000th season in a row since the forced retirement of former Coach Phillip Fulmer, the Vols claim to be “back” as a legitimate SEC and national championship contender. Right. While this was always rooted in backwoods Tennessee logic touting “elite recruiting” that has in reality ranked between South Carolina and Kentucky in average star rating since the beginning of Jones’ tenure, an overtime debacle against the Mountaineers should put this talk to rest — mercifully.
Senior quarterback Josh Dobbs, a third year starter who has appeared in over 40 total games, looked like a befuddled freshman, overmatched by a Mountaineer defense sitting in a lower football subdivision just three seasons ago. While first time starters such as Deondre Francois, Shane Buechele, and Jalen Hurts stole the show this weekend as teenage stars, the elder statesman in Knoxville showed again just how much Tennessee’s expectations differ from their reality.
In his fourth season, with nothing but “wait ’til next year!” and seven wins per season on his resume, time is running out on Coach Jones and his staff to live up to the ever-inflating hype. Their bubble is about to go the way of the Hindenburg..
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How Gus isn’t on this list is beyond me
8 years ago at 3:16 pmHonestly Dabo didn’t look that good either. Not kicking that field goal at the end of the game could have cost Clemson the win.
8 years ago at 3:30 pmIt also cost me a lot of money. That kick covers almost all Clemson spread backers.
8 years ago at 4:35 pmGus Malzhan single-handedly lost the game against Clemson.
8 years ago at 3:17 pmAuburn played much closer than expected against what many people believe is the best team in the country. The defense was swarming and stifled Watson far more effectively than anything Saban and Kirby smart came up with in last year’s title game. Hard to say a one possession loss to a team that has won 29 of their last 32 games is a “worst coaching job.”
Though his fucking around with the quarterbacks was painful.
8 years ago at 3:25 pmSome of your logic is just flat out silly. Comparing a title game to an opener is nonsensical. You are comparing how an Alabama defense stacked up to an offense that has meshed for over a dozen games under an exceptionally talented QB… With an offense that is trying to build chemistry against an unproven, but talented Auburn defense.
8 years ago at 3:30 pmAgain, I realize that. But you’re also talking about an auburn team that won what 7/8 games last year and their coach is squarely on the hot seat? I thought they looked great, especially considering they lost Muschamp.
8 years ago at 3:33 pmOh don’t get me wrong I’m not disagreeing with the idea that Auburn exceeded expectations. Most expected them to get blown out. I’m just saying that your explanation that auburn halted clemsons offense better than Alabama is not a good rationalization. Auburn played a good hard fought game and even though I hate them, I gotta give them credit where credit is due.
8 years ago at 3:43 pmThat’s my point. The defense and special teams were exceptional, but that QB carousel (FIVE PLAYERS TOOK A SNAP) was pitiful. I’m not really saying Auburn would’ve won, but Gus trying to “outsmart” Clemson harmed Auburn more than anything else. I was at the game and it was painful to watch a different QB walk in for every single drive.
8 years ago at 4:00 pm4. Grandex
Team: TFM
Game Result: Fail Friday not posted again
It was another letdown for the TFM viewers as Fail Friday failed to be published yet again. In an unprecedented act, the TFM Staff has gone 0-11 in Fail Friday’s in the last 11 weeks leaving fans wondering if this is the end of a legacy. In an act of desperation, the staff tried to post a Comments of the Week column which asks the question: Did they forget the intern locked in the conference room to fend for himself or are they really just that incompetent to put out the one article a week that 90% of their readers frequently look forward to? With people dying on their shitters and the dead Harambe jokes and apparel, the fans are getting restless. Is this the year fans jump off the TFM bandwagon? Who knows, but the staff will have to throw a Hail Mary of a Fail Friday to reconcile for past weeks of heartbreak.
8 years ago at 3:20 pmFuckin’ poetic.
8 years ago at 4:26 pmThe TFM apparel was the real failure. I seriously hope no one bought that trash. I mean how brain dead does one have to be to come up with those t-shirt designs??
8 years ago at 5:05 pmGuarantee there’ll be a newly graduated high school frat star wear something like that to a rush event.
8 years ago at 7:04 pmIf i ever see someone wearing that shit ill freak out harder than I did at the mexican at the taco bell drive through last friday!!!!
8 years ago at 8:35 pmHonorable mention: Jim Mora
8 years ago at 3:33 pmBrian Kelley shit the bed with Notre Dame against Texas
8 years ago at 3:47 pmOnly an idiot would downvote him.
Kizer should have been the outright starting QB but hey I can see giving Zaire a shot. Kizer scored with ease his first possession but yea let’s pull him. Zaire does absolutely nothing, and Kizer scores another TD. But yea, lets pull Kizer again and give Zaire another shot…wut.
On the other side of the ball, I can’t even attack their gameplan because they had none. Just out coached in every facet of the game. Their last possession should have been played much more aggressive, no way you want to rely on your defense for anything at that point. But yea, lets go for OT on the road!
After that game he still can’t commit to Kizer. The only explanation is that Zaire sucks him off on the reg.
With that said, Texas is gonna be a tough out for anybody this year, especially in Texas. Their crowd was electric.
8 years ago at 4:30 pmPerine had 6 carries. Attaboy Stoops
8 years ago at 3:49 pmHe also got hurt though and Mixon was playing well
8 years ago at 5:47 pmDid you watch the game or just look at the stat sheet?
8 years ago at 10:38 pmHow long before stoops is on the Oklahoma staff? 5 months?
8 years ago at 4:01 pmLes miles did good
8 years ago at 4:15 pmSiblings how much money did you lose on the LSU Game
8 years ago at 4:20 pmYou’ll be seeing a lot of articles.
8 years ago at 4:21 pmLes Miles is definitely worthy of some consideration on this list. It’s as if he’s just giving everybody a big “Fuck You” by rolling out the same predictable shitty offense. You’re LSU and you can’t recruit a QB?
8 years ago at 4:20 pmOne of the best GameDay signs was the Chick-fil-A-esque “Eat Les Miles”.
8 years ago at 2:15 pm