Florida Man Screams “Take Me To Jail!” While Riding Manatee, Immediately Has His Wish Granted
A few things are certain in this life. Among these certainties are death, taxes, and insane “Florida Man” news stories popping up almost every day. Today’s story involves a man that was confronted by police while riding a manatee. For those who are unfamiliar, a manatee is what would happen if your girlfriend could breathe underwater.
From ABC:
Police arrived and saw him “reaching for, touching and lying over top of manatees in the creek.”
He first denied anybody had told him it’s illegal to ride manatees, but after a while he said, yeah, they did, but he was waiting for “somebody with a badge” to tell him to stop.
The Florida Wildlife Commission officer said he was only going to issue a notice to appear in court on the misdemeanor manatee violation. But Massengale smarted off and said he wouldn’t even show up for court. Then he began to chant, “Take me to jail! Take me to jail!”
“Misdemeanor Manatee Violation” is one of the funniest phrases I’ve ever seen. By this logic, selling crack to an underage manatee would get you a Felony Manatee Violation. Unfortunately for this man, ignorance of the law is not an excuse for breaking it. It doesn’t seem to matter to the authorities whether or not anyone told him it’s illegal to ride manatees, and I’m having a hard time sympathizing with him at all.
What makes this situation more confounding is the fact that this guy was riding a sea cow, of all things. All manatees seem to do is lumber around and eat plants all day, which makes riding one akin to doing a ride-along with a parking enforcement officer. Fucking manatees, wasting our conservation efforts and tax dollars. They need to be anointed the welfare leeches of the sea as soon as possible. #MakeManateesEndangeredAgain.
[via ABC]
Image via Shutterstock
Low key, manatees are chill as fuck and these inbred Florida failed-abortions are always fucking their shit up for no reason.
My point here is that Florida is the Pike of states.
9 years ago at 3:26 pmHey fuck u man Florida is good
9 years ago at 6:37 pmYou’re not wrong about Florida but you should be punched in the balls for saying “low key”
9 years ago at 9:48 pmManatees can fuck you up. They’re huge and willing to kill themselves to protect a calf.
9 years ago at 3:27 pmThey are calm as fuck dumb ass
9 years ago at 1:09 amI can’t tell if that stock photo is a maturing sea cow or a young Hillary Clinton
9 years ago at 3:38 pmAren’t they the same thing?
9 years ago at 10:15 pmLumbering around and eating plants all day. #TotalManateeMove
9 years ago at 3:58 pmLumbering around and eating anything but plants all day. #TotalDannyRegsMove
9 years ago at 4:15 pmLumbering around and eating plants all day TLiberalM
9 years ago at 4:33 pmLumbering around and eating ants all day. TPledgeM.
9 years ago at 3:14 amNever change Florida. Never change
9 years ago at 4:22 pmDaring the cops to take you to jail as you are engaged in ridiculous debauchery TFM
9 years ago at 4:24 pmManatees are mammals, they breath air not water. Do you really not understand this?
9 years ago at 4:45 pmI’m waiting for the Misdemeanor Manatee Violation T-shirt from Rowdy Gentleman.
9 years ago at 6:31 pmFlorida Man strikes again
9 years ago at 10:52 pmManatees are essentially speed bumps for boats. #MakeManateesEndangeredAgain
9 years ago at 9:47 pm