Oklahoma State DE Drunkenly Steals Jimmy John’s Car Topper, Passes Out, Gets Arrested

Jared Borislow8 years ago

Oklahoma State University Defensive End Cole Walterscheid, who is hailed as “probably the most popular person to ever come out of (Muenster, Texas),” was arrested early Sunday morning in Stillwater.

From Yahoo! Sports:

Oklahoma State defensive end Cole Walterscheid was arrested Sunday morning on charges of public intoxication after he was allegedly found asleep on top of a Jimmy John’s sign used on top of delivery cars.

The arrest came about 12 hours after Oklahoma State’s win over TCU in Fort Worth on Saturday. According to the O’Colly, the student newspaper at Oklahoma State, Walterscheid was found in a grassy area in Stillwater asleep (or possibly passed out) with the car marker about 2 a.m.

Walterscheid then proceeded to attempt to get into the passenger side of the cop car instead of the back before telling the cop he got the car topper from work. When asked if he worked at Jimmy John’s, Walterscheid responded that he did not. I love that move. Always keep them on their feet.

My way overthought theory: The Jimmy John’s on Main Street in Stillwater closes at 10 p.m. on Saturday night. The JJs on Washington Street in Stillwater, however, opens at 10 a.m. on Saturday morning and doesn’t close until 4 a.m. Sunday morning. I believe Walterscheid, while blackout, mistakenly went to the Main Street JJs instead of the Wash Street one. Then, in a post-bar close fit of rage and retribution after mistakenly believing Jimmy John’s had closed early, Walterscheid stole the Jimmy John’s car topper to smite the sandwich shop for their perceived ignorance. Without food in his body, however, Walterscheid lacked the energy to make a complete getaway. He ended up saying “I… I can’t make it. Go on… without me” to nobody, then passed out using the car topper as a pillow.

Either that, or Walterscheid is moonlighting as a delivery guy (he lied to the cop because he was embarrassed) and Jimmy John’s is trying out a new foot delivery service where they still make their delivery dudes wear the car topper. I actually really hope that’s it. I’d order delivery to the tops of local hills and watch from a distance as those courier twerps lugged a heavy-ass car topper and a Vito no tomato up a hill to deliver a sandwich to a person who doesn’t exist. That’d be magical..

[via Yahoo! Sports]

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