Harbaugh v. Meyer

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“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy,” said the great Martin Luther King Jr.

By this metric, Michigan deity, and supposed football savior, James Joseph Harbaugh measures smaller than Peter Dinklage. As a superstar coach, Harbaugh has delivered considerable turnarounds at each of his temporary stops, though without ever actually reaching the championship summit at the Division I level.

Oh, and he lost a bizarre power outage ridden Super Bowl to older brother John Harbaugh and the Baltimore Ravens.

But maybe, just maybe, this is the year Wolverine fans have been dreaming of. The moment the hometown hero, “Captain Comeback,” slays the mighty Buckeyes on their home turf, assuring the Wolverines a spot in the Big Ten Championship game and almost undoubtedly the NCAA Playoff. The last time the winningest program in college football history defeated their most hated rivals in Columbus, I remember enjoying the remnants of our Y2K shelter’s canned food supply as my father flipped between “The Game” and that other time the Libs won the popular vote but lost the presidency.

Yes, it’s actually been that long.

Here’s how this recently fired, self-professed “expert” sees the biggest matchup of the final week of what has been a college football Holocaust of my personal finances.

Offense

Michigan

Michigan fans claim starting quarterback Wilton Speight, who suffered a reported broken collarbone during the Iowa loss, aka the injury that ends Tony Romo’s season annually, will at least attempt to play on Saturday. After thoroughly enjoying last week’s performance from backup John O’Korn (had the under) it’s safe to say a broken Speight can’t possibly be much worse.

If Speight manages to avoid going the way of Humpty Dumpty in the Horseshoe, the once fearsome Wolverine attack could present issues for a Buckeye front seven that has struggled to contain power rushing attacks, having been gashed by Penn State’s Saquan Barkley and Wisconsin’s endless barrage of 230-lb. backs.

Jabril Peppers, the do-everything future first round pick who seemingly cannot grasp the “read” portion of the read option, is likely to get some looks at wide receiver and with several rumored run-pass wrinkles. Co-coordinators Schiano and Fickel have their work cut out for them.

Ohio State

JT Barrett cannot pass. While at one point he was a legitimate Heisman candidate in both 2014 and early 2016, Barrett has amassed the worst QBR of any Big Ten QB outside of the Rutgers dumpster fire on passes longer than 15 yards. Of the Buckeyes top five receivers, four are running backs or tight ends, with the most prolific pass catcher of the wide receivers group ranking 5th (Noah Brown).

The Buckeyes, however, are still an absolute juggernaut running the football, even as Zeke Elliot shreds NFL defenses in Dallas. Curtis Samuel, Mike Weber, Dontre Wilson (who is now healthy) form perhaps the most dangerous rushing trio in the nation, with no better coach suited to utilize their respective mix of speed and power than Urban Meyer.

Advantage: With a somewhat healthy Speight, it’s a push. With O’Korn, it’s the Buckeyes.

Defense

Ohio State

Somehow they have another Boss, and this one might be even better than big brother Joey, now in the midst of a terrific rookie season after being selected third in the 2016 NFL Draft. The Bucks terrorize opposing QBs, with a co-coordinator all-star team of former Buccaneers head coach Greg Schiano and Luke Fickel shaping one of the most athletic units in the country.

As mentioned, though, the Buckeyes are less stout than usual up the middle, starting seven underclassmen on defense for the first time in the Urban Meyer era. Fortunately for the Ohio State faithful, the back end of the defense, anchored by do everything linebacker Raequan McMillan, corner Gereon Conley, and safety Malik Hooker, may be the best unit in the conference not wearing maize and blue.

The Buckeyes are aggressive and Alabama level athletic, though their least experienced front in years perhaps matches up poorly with the Wolverines’ power rushing attack.

Michigan

Remember me telling you this: The Michigan linebackers are absolutely awful. A holdover of the Brady Hoke era of prioritizing size over athleticism, the desperate move of Peppers from safety to linebacker is not a coincidence, these kids cannot cover, nor run sideline to sideline. Samuel and Wilson are nightmare matchups up for the Wolverines, who will likely rely on their blitz heavy scheme under first year coordinator Don Brown to force the Ohio State backs to remain in the backfield for extra protection of JT Barrett.

Michigan is, for my money, the best defensive unit outside of Tuscaloosa this season. The front seven is stout against the run, and has terrorized opposing quarterbacks to the tune of seven game-ending injuries (including two Spartan quarterbacks) in their first 11 games. Jordan Lewis and Channing Stribling make up the best coverage tandem in the country statistically, but Stribling’s struggles in run support, especially against a Buckeye attack that emphasizes outside runs, will likely play a pivotal role in deciding Saturday’s outcome.

Michigan will come after Barrett, likely committing heavily to stopping the run after last season’s 400+ yard Zeke Elliot-led humiliation in Ann Arbor. The question here will be the much maligned Buckeye receiving core vs. Lewis and Stribling in press coverage on the outside.

Advantage: Michigan

Special Teams

Michigan return man Jabril Peppers leads the conference in average yards per punt return, and has never lost a fumble in his collegiate career. Michigan placekicker Kenny Allen has made his last nine attempts and has not missed an extra point this season, while the Wolverines are top 10 in the nation in blocked punts.

Advantage: Michigan

Coaching

Urban Meyer, in my mind at least, is the greatest to ever do it. Meyer is the only coach in history to win 11+ games at three different schools (Utah, Florida, Ohio State) and finished his first 50 games in Columbus with an astonishing 46-4 record. Until Harbaugh actually brings home a title or two, this is not a discussion.

Advantage: Ohio State

Prediction

Speight plays, but is largely ineffective in what is his second true road start of his first year as a starter. With his injury, O’Korn is needed at points in both halves, a player that should not be starting for a national championship hopeful. The Wolverine defense and newfound offensive creativity largely centered around Peppers keeps the Wolverines in it early, but Ohio State’s speed and legendary home field advantage doom Harbaugh’s playoff dreams again.

Ohio State 27, Michigan 17

  1. Bro-hann Sebastian Bach

    Welcome back sibs we missed you. While you’re here go find where the fuck fail friday is.

    8 years ago at 12:24 pm
    1. Bro-hann Sebastian Bach

      Your reverse jinx isn’t gonna work. UM and harbaugh both still suck

      8 years ago at 12:24 pm
  2. BabyDickClit

    You’re clearly from the North. Urban Meyer isn’t anywhere close to the greatest of all time. And as much as I hate the University of Alabama, the winner of this game will go on to get gang raped by Alabama like Mia Khalifa in the middle of Harlem.

    8 years ago at 12:28 pm
    1. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

      I agree Alabama is the best team in college football and Saban is one of the greatest to ever do it.

      But think about this: Saban was not always the Alabama coach, both he and Urban have made 4 stops as head coaches, and the comparison is not flattering for Nick.

      In his first year at Bowling Green, while the youngest coach in football, urban posted the best season in over a decade for the program, and is the only coach to lead the Falcons to 17 wins in two seasons. His first season at Utah he led the Utes to more wins than the previous two seasons combined, and then followed that with an undefeated season for the first time in history, morphing Alex smith from 2 star recruit to #1 overall draft pick. To put this into proper perspective, Utah averaged 5.5 wins per season the decade before Urban’s arrival, and 11 wins per season during his tenure. That’s insane. Then he went to Florida and surpassed the Ball Coach as the greatest coach in program history, won almost 90% of his games and two national titles. At Ohio state, he has the highest winning percentage of any big ten coach in history, starting 46-4 in his first 50 games. The buckeyes were 6-6 the season before he got to Columbus.

      Saban, on the other hand, was a moderate success at Michigan State but had losing records to Michigan + OSU and didn’t make a single rose bowl. At LSU he was very good, but actually compiled essentially the same winning percentage of the now fired Les Miles and only one national title. He was a mess for the Dolphins, under .500 in the NFL before bolting.

      Yes, he’s been otherworldly in Tuscaloosa. But urban is the greatest coach ever at EVERY school he’s ever been to. That’s insane.

      8 years ago at 12:35 pm
      1. BabyDickClit

        I didn’t read all of this. I am willing to compromise and say that Meyer is the greatest coach of all time to fake a heart condition because he was scared to continue coaching in the SEC without Dan Mullen and move to the Big Ten where nobody could challenge him until now. Harbaugh is going to own this rivalry moving forward.

        8 years ago at 12:40 pm
      2. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

        That is absolutely outrageous. Without Dak Prescott Mullen is at best an average coach, and Meyer replaced him with an absolutely star: Tom Herman.

        8 years ago at 12:43 pm
      3. BabyDickClit

        Dan mullen was responsible for developing Alex Smith, Chris Leak, Tim Tebow, and Dak Prescott. The Big Ten was shit when Meyer got there. Now that there are several good coaches in that conference he’s done. He lost to a mediocre Michigan St. team last year that had no business being in the playoff. Herman is legit though. He is the only reason OSU won the NC in 2014.

        8 years ago at 12:49 pm
      4. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

        Great coaches lose to not so good teams sometimes. Michigan just lost to Iowa, CLEMSON to Pitt, Saban has lost to Hugh fucking freeze and Kevin sumlin TWICE. It happens. Losing to MSU last year (a team that made the fucking playoffs) means absolutely nothing regarding urban’s ability.

        8 years ago at 12:54 pm
      5. BabyDickClit

        Meyer isn’t even the greatest coach in the history of Ohio St. Plus I’m not even going to get started with all the legendary coaches at Alabama, Notre Dame, USC, Michigan, Oklahoma, and pedophile U.

        8 years ago at 1:16 pm
      6. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

        Ok where do I start with that comment. Urban, in 1/3 the time, has already compiled as many top 5 finishes as Woodie Hayes, has beaten Michigan 100% of their matchups, and has more total victories in his first 5 seasons than Hayes first 8. Paterno? Are you fucking kidding? The guy was in the Big Ten for 20 years and NEVER won a conference title. Not once. Schembechler won 0 national titles in 20+ years as a coach, and lost more than twice as many bowl games as he won.

        Really the conversation boils down to Knute Rockne, Ara Parsigian, Fielding Yost, Saban, Bryant, Meyer. Since the relics listed above won their championships in eras in which essentially only 10 or so teams per season were in any good, I find it far more impressive that Saban and Meyer are dominated the greatest era of parity in college football history, with longer seasons, championship games, playoffs, etc.

        8 years ago at 1:32 pm
      7. LyndonBroJohnson

        Prefacing a debate by admitting you didn’t even read the entire argument…you’re a fool

        8 years ago at 12:44 am
    2. Peaking in College

      Neyland should be in there with the other coaches from that era, but I completely agree with everything else that you’ve said

      8 years ago at 5:51 pm
      1. Mister Sinatra

        Can’t forget Tom Osborne, he worked magic at Nebraska for 20+ years. I’d say he’s at least a top 10 coach all time.

        8 years ago at 12:08 pm
  3. Jim_Harbaugh

    We shall see Sibs, but I’m glad you predicted they would win. That usually means we’re a lock to win tomorrow

    8 years ago at 1:39 pm
  4. thevaginator

    Gonna go ahead and assume we aren’t getting Fail Friday today. Fuck this site. I’ll give it until spring break before they go totally under.

    8 years ago at 2:26 pm
  5. Gun_Slinger

    Why can’t D-Cup Dan do the babe of the day remotely from his single wide everyday?

    8 years ago at 4:28 pm