Quotes From Girls’ Tinder Profiles And What They Actually Mean
1. “I love to laugh/hang out with friends”
Translated: “I want to appear lighthearted and fun, but am very unoriginal and probably don’t have a ton of friends.”
2. “”You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” – Wayne Gretzky” – Michael Scott
Translated: “I like The Office and find it relatable because of its awkward humor which is totally me! I’m so unique!!!”
3. *Insert zodiac sign here*
Translated: “Pretty susceptible to lying and bullshit. The sum of my kids and tattoos is at least 5. Studying to become a nurse’s aid or some shit. Check out all the mirror selfies in my profile.”
4. “Fluent in sarcasm”
Translated: “I like to think of myself as witty and fun. Most of my humor is actually regurgitated from Tumblr and a specific TV show I watch religiously and on which I am convinced I am just like a character.”
5. “I’m an old soul”
Translated: “I don’t fit in with most people, so I’m claiming that I’m old fashioned and would fit in better with my romanticized version of history. I’m hipster trash.”
6. *Any bio longer than six lines*
Translated: “I am legitimately on Tinder trying to find a husband/soulmate. Known to have a cig break with the girl who listed her zodiac sign.”
7. “Spontaneous”
Translated: “I am generally bored and have a pretty open calendar so I do whatever random activity comes to mind just for something to do. I think I want you to surprise me with an unplanned date or road trip, but I’d actually be pretty thrown off and uncomfortable if you actually tried it.”
8. “I want a guy to come sweep me off my feet”
Translated: “I am an unhappy person, so hopefully you have a more exciting life than me and can fall in love pretty instantly. I want kids inside of three years, and no, I don’t have plans to start working out.”
9. “Down to try anything once ;)”
Translated: “I don’t actually know what latex feels like.”.
“Not good, but better than Wally” — Most apt bio on this site.
8 years ago at 3:03 pmVery glad TFM posted my article but even I don’t think it is good enough to get posted twice
8 years ago at 3:12 pm*has slutty looking photos* “Not looking for hook ups.” Yeah…sure. We all know what you’re doing on here.
8 years ago at 3:13 pm“Not looking for a hookup”-looking for a hookup
8 years ago at 3:37 pm“I like to travel and explore” Wants a rich guy to pay for her all her trips/vacations
8 years ago at 5:09 pm“Fluent in sarcasm” – My rack is big enough to offset my horrible personality and lack of humor.
8 years ago at 6:06 pm‘I’m an old soul’ – has banged a guy over 50
8 years ago at 8:53 pmSome of these are scarily correct.
8 years ago at 4:49 am“just on here for friends”
I have a boyfriend but wanna shop around to inflate my ego and ditch him if i find someone better. Just looking for friends is my insurance incase i get caught on here
8 years ago at 6:15 am“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” – open to anal
8 years ago at 8:03 am