Americans Ate 554 Million Jack in the Box Tacos Last Year Mostly, I Assume, Because Of Drugs And Alcohol

Rob Fox9 years ago

When my colon eventually becomes fully blocked with rocky tumors, like an old coal mine that’s been blown shut with dynamite, I will look back on the ages of 16 to 23 and know that the obscene amount of Jack in the Box tacos I ate (and obviously dipped in buttermilk) while drunk and/or stoned after midnight are in large part to blame.

Thankfully, apparently, I will have plenty of company in the “ass full of boulders” department, if these latest numbers on Jack in the Box tacos sales are to be believed.

From The Wall Street Journal:

More than 1,000 times a minute, someone bites into what has been described as a wet envelope of cat food—and keeps eating.

Jack in the Box is known to most of the country for its hamburgers and bigheaded mascot. But for many of its devotees, the magic of the fast-food chain lies in its interpretation of a taco.

…

The company sells 554 million tacos a year, or about 1,055 a minute.

I mean, yeah. They’re hard to beat. You get two. For a dollar. And everything else on the Jack in the Box value menu, if I recall (I haven’t been in years), is somehow even shittier than the tacos, and also comes in single servings. Tacos are the obvious go-to. I did always get rid of the soggy iceberg lettuce they try to jam in at the end, though. I don’t trust anything in that taco that wasn’t cleansed in the deep fryers, which are probably still filthy in their own special way but ultimately hot enough to kill most of the diseases crawling all over the food.

Even so, 554 million tacos a year is staggering. The Mexican dog food plant they get them from must be going full throttle, around the clock. I didn’t even realize there were enough discarded cow taints and euthanized petting zoo goats in the world to provide meat for that many tacos.

So why do people love the tacos so much? Jack in the Box’s director of product marketing Jen Kennedy has one obviously wrong theory.

Jack in the Box’s Ms. Kennedy said customers love the chain in part because it lets them “take a break from the norm and instantly satisfy their cravings.”

No it’s drugs. Drugs and booze. Followed closely by being broke.

All that said, I really want to stop by Jack in the Box tonight (but only after drinking heavily to properly numb my body and cast off my better judgment) and drop a dollar on some tacos now..