VIDEO: Marshawn Lynch Plays Chicken With A Bus, Almost Gets Mowed Down
You want to know something about football players? They’re all looney tunes. Every single one of them is like eight flews over the cuckoo’s nest. You have to be insane to lace ‘em up each week only to be battered and maimed like you spent a few consecutive days in a Nevada dominatrix facility. But when players retire, the insanity tends to stop. What’s a warrior to do? Some open wineries like Drew Bledsoe. Some (maybe most?) live for the thrill of going broke and winding up in jail. And then you’ve got specimens like our boy Marshawn Lynch, who just casually decided to head out to Scotland and start playing chicken with buses while riding a bike.
Most would call this kind of behavior idiotic. Here’s the thing, though — I completely get this. Makes one hundred percent sense to me. You know what Marshawn has done his entire life? Charged relatively straightforward at oncoming immovable objects hell-bent on laying him out. Let me ask you, what do you think Marshawn is more afraid of, that bus or Ray Lewis? Kind of a trick question, because they’re basically the same thing.
Marshawn just out there trying to relive the glory days. We’ve all done it. Who hasn’t gone to the local rec center and started jacking up trey balls like you did back when you were 80 pounds lighter in high school and could actually see your penis when you stood up? That’s all this is. Reliving the glory days of a time when all he had to do was charge straight forward and make sure he didn’t get demolished by 275 pound freaks of nature running 4.4 40s and charging in with the crown of their helmet.
He’s got no media to answer to, nobody throwing INTs instead of handing him the rock to win the ‘ship. Just a man, his bike, and a bus coming straight for dat ass. May the best beast (mode) win.
Or he could just be high on Skittles. Hell of a drug, so I’ve been told..
To read “Seattle Seahawks Players Shared Their Favorite Marshawn Lynch Stories And They’re Incredible,” click here
He would have broke that tackle
9 years ago at 3:51 pm“I’m going to get mine more than I get got.”
9 years ago at 4:08 pmWhat the fuck happened to Bacon?
9 years ago at 4:18 pmTell me They didn’t fire bacon. Boosh was already too much for me, without bacon, Jared is the only halfway decent writer left at this site. Tell me that they aren’t so tone deaf that they let bacon go.
9 years ago at 7:09 pmAccording to twitter, he is no longer writing for TFM. He won’t say why though
9 years ago at 8:36 pmDon’t worry, I’m sure we’ll get some half-assed podcast explanation as to why they canned a man who’s dedicated himself and put out arguably some of the best content this website has ever seen. I remember thinking ballocaust was ridiculous, but now the writers are dropping like flies. Sad.
9 years ago at 10:36 pmProbably going to get blackballed, but I don’t give a shit anymore. Head over to 0ld row. So much better.
9 years ago at 4:27 pmMildly impressed on the quality of the wheelie
9 years ago at 4:35 pmWho else saw this and was reminded of the scene from Straight Out of Compton where the hood rats aren’t doing wheelies on dirt bikes in the street?
9 years ago at 4:43 pmBacon, you may have looked like a semen-covered potato, but I’ll be damned if you didn’t put every other writer on this site to shame. Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
9 years ago at 5:09 pmLucky for the bus that marshawn got out of the way
9 years ago at 8:05 pmthat nigga crazy
9 years ago at 9:45 am