Live From Augusta – Round 3
We are live from Augusta, Georgia, courtesy of Natty Light. Reminder: We will be at the #NattyShack Friday and Saturday to drink ice cold Natty and have fun and schmooze and record podcasts. It’s not too late to RSVP and drop by to say hi. Smylie Kaufman will be there, as well as a host of other people you’ll want to meet.
Add us on Snapchat at @totalfratmove. We’ll be updating it all week.
Wednesday 8:45 a.m.
We are currently in a hotel in Covington, GA, about to get in our rented minivan and head to Augusta, which is an hour and a half from here.
The weather, it sucks. I’m looking out the window at a torrential downpour and the news is telling me there’s a tornado warning in the Atlanta area. We’re in the Atlanta area. After today, the weather should be nice, but today seems like a good day to kick back and drink. I think the Par 3 Contest might be canceled?
We’re heading straight to Hooters, believe it or not, to meet John Daly. Hitting the road now.
Wednesday 1:00 p.m.
Everyone in Augusta who doesn’t get paid to play golf was at Hooters. The WiFi was a no-go, but we just got to our house, which has internet, so here I am updating this live thread, as I will be all week long.
We met John Daly. He’s exactly how you imagine him to be in person. He had a St. Louis Cardinals t-shirt on, Nike sandals, and he was burning a heater while signing autographs and taking pics with fans outside his luxury RV.
We stopped by the convenience store and I picked up some heaters and Nattys. I’m burning this week because I burn on vacation.
Ross and I are about to record the first podcast of the week, the first of many. Subscribe now if you haven’t already. The plan is to do one each day when we return to the house from the tournament. Friday and Saturday, however, we will be recording live from the Natty Shack.
Alright it’s podcast time. I’ll check in later.
Oh I almost forgot; we’re meeting Snoop Dogg tonight.
Thursday 10:30 a.m.
We saw Snoop last night.
For a guy who grew up listening to Snoop in the ’90s, this was a moment for me. But he’s basically a DJ now? Do people know this? The first song he played was “Next Episode” and he actually rapped to it, but then he went off playing some Miley and shit like that behind a turn table. Kind of weird. Still, though, I saw Snoop perform in Augusta, Georgia, which was both unexpected and awesome. He of course smoked weed on stage because Snoop smokes weed on stage.
Natty Light hooked us up with a VIP area by the stage. We had Grey Goose bottle service and all the Natty Light in Augusta. It was a great time.
We will be at the same bar, The Country Club, each night this week.
We got back to the house around 12:30 a.m. and recorded a podcast. That podcast is below. It’s off to the tournament right now for me. I still can’t believe I get to do this for work. I’ll check in later today when I get back to the house. Remember, no cell phones allowed inside Augusta National so expect radio silence from us for a while.
Thursday 6:30 p.m.
This course isn’t real. My first impression is TV coverage doesn’t do it justice. Not a square inch of this place is less than perfect. The other thing I immediately noticed is that the course undulations are intense, way more intense than you’re able to see on TV. Crazy elevation changes.
I got separated from the squad literally 30 minutes after arriving, and since cell phones are a no-go, I couldn’t get in contact with them so I flew solo the entire day. Kind of shitty, but I still had an amazing time. I walked literally the entire course, saw every hole and close to every golfer out there. I just took it all in.
This place is set up for spectators. Very different from your typical country club scene, which is something we all knew anyway, but the layout, the concessions, the gift shops, the restrooms, it’s all perfectly designed for this one week every year, and designed to cater to massive amounts of spectators. The holes are kind of all on top of each other. Really easy to get around and bounce from hole to hole.
I ate a pimiento cheese sandwich, an egg salad sandwich, a BBQ sandwich, crackers, peanuts, chips, and a domestic light beer, and it was about $12 total. Fuck I love this place.
Tomorrow the plan is to buy a chair as the gates open and run and set it down at the par 3 16th green. That will be home base for the day.
Shower time now, then we’re headed to dinner and back to The Country Club.
Saturday 8:45 p.m.
There was no Friday update because Friday was a whirlwind of action and I didn’t get a chance to sit down with the laptop. I’m sorry for that, but truthfully I’m not that sorry because Friday was one of the best days of my life.
It was a full day of Masters action and drinking and dinner and bars and spending all my money on Masters merchandise and hanging out with the kind of people you only get a chance to hang out with in Augusta, Georgia, during Masters week. Yesterday was just a great damn day.
Today was another great day, highlighted by our podcast interview with the very nice Smylie Kaufman. That should be uploaded shortly.
What a day of golf, too. Spieth is CHARGING. Justin Rose had a huge day, too. Rickie played well enough to hold down the second to last tee time (paired with Spieth), and Charley Hoffman is beginning to falter, as we all expected.
If Spieth doesn’t pull this thing out, I’d like to see Sergio win his first major. He’s got to get one. Has to. This leaderboard is sexy and tomorrow is shaping up to be just awesome. And I get to be there.
It’s a quiet night tonight. We ordered pizza and decided we’re staying in for the first time since arriving. So much Natty. My body needed this.
Ask Snoop Dog what he thinks of your fake deep voice
8 years ago at 1:19 pmFollow us on Snapchat @totalfratmove. Will be updating that shit all week.
8 years ago at 1:21 pmMake me.
8 years ago at 1:46 pmI would if I could.
8 years ago at 2:00 pmThat was a little gay
8 years ago at 2:46 pmYou’re not right
8 years ago at 7:20 pmSays who
8 years ago at 8:46 pmWhat’s your problem
8 years ago at 6:30 amThey let cigar store Indians into Augusta?
8 years ago at 1:33 pmHe has to wear a mask.
8 years ago at 2:00 pm#titleIX
8 years ago at 8:04 pmUh, where did the fake ID post go?
8 years ago at 1:42 pmOh there it is. Never mind.
8 years ago at 2:25 pmWe are all glad you found it.
8 years ago at 3:39 pmWhile all you peasants are way down their begging your rich friends for tickets to step onto Augusta, I’m blacking out in my green jacket, bow tie, and chubbies on my dad’s club account at the Augusta country club bar with a flock of slams. I’m going to bang out the lucky ones on the 18th tee tonight just in case some of you goobers need to take notes on how to be a stunna.
8 years ago at 1:43 pmThank God you’re back.
8 years ago at 1:46 pmSomeone needs to keep the peasants in line. I’m not the hero TFM wants, but I’m the hero TFM needs.
8 years ago at 1:48 pmWhat do you think about your boy Bannon getting the boot from the national security council?
8 years ago at 1:58 pmCan we expect your feud with virginator to resume?
8 years ago at 3:50 pmSit down and shut up before you get your ass beat little man
8 years ago at 4:13 pmDo something about it bitch. No? You won’t do shit
8 years ago at 4:21 pmVag Sr., was your son born on a highway? Statistics show that’s where most accidents happen.
8 years ago at 6:12 pmOne day his mom come in from the outhouse n said “I think I just shit a watermelon.” I went out there an’ fished the little guy outta the hole. Sometimes I think I brung up the wrong turd.
8 years ago at 7:13 pmBoring day at highschool I see?
8 years ago at 1:53 pmNot as boring as your day sitting around your shanty jerking it to anime porn, Illegal Alien Pledge. Get a damn green card before you speak to me peasant
8 years ago at 7:56 pmMy name is my name because I don’t live like a poor like yourself and travel around the world. You enjoy your “exotic trip” to seaside bud. I’ll be drinking Bahama mamas in Fiji
8 years ago at 8:01 pmWhile you’re all the way down there drinking your goddamn fruity drinks, I’m sipping a bottle of Maccallan 40 on my 100 foot yacht off the coast of Monte Carlo while getting some top notch becky from the hottest piece of ass you’ve ever jerked your chode to. Get on my level broke bitch
8 years ago at 8:45 pmIn reality you’re just some bus boy that an actual billionaire hired to work for them. And in reality you’re actually serving rich people those drinks before you return to the engine room that also happens to be your bedroom
8 years ago at 8:56 pmYou mad, bro? Let the hate flow within you, while I blow more than the entire GDP of your country in one night Illegal Alien Pledge.
8 years ago at 10:02 pmYou represent everything that was once great about this site. But sometimes you sound disturbingly like thevaginagor…
8 years ago at 2:19 amWhile spot on, I wouldn’t have brought that up.
8 years ago at 6:27 amI enjoyed this
8 years ago at 2:00 pmDorn, still waiting for a time and place for my to out throw you on the gridiron. Loser (you) covers the post-contest bar tab
8 years ago at 2:06 pmThat there is your next COTW.
8 years ago at 4:45 pmWere you in the Atlanta airport at about 10 AM tuesday morning
8 years ago at 9:01 pmYou love cocks?
8 years ago at 6:52 amIt’s a joke
8 years ago at 5:22 pmno we flew in Tuesday night
8 years ago at 10:27 amI’ll bet your arms are tired! Ha ha I’m going to put that on Facebook!
8 years ago at 2:36 pmShut the fuck up dilldo. Why don’t you quit enjoying comments and go create some content you orangutan fake tan fuckhole
8 years ago at 11:03 pmFrat on, Sir!
8 years ago at 8:14 pmDorn or Jared please interview richdaddy
8 years ago at 9:33 pmGolf is for pussies. You would literally have to pay me to go to the masters
8 years ago at 4:15 pmYou could never pay your own way you broke bitch. That’s why you’ll end up working for me someday, pussy.
8 years ago at 4:20 pmI’ve gotten paid millions to go to the Masters’. It ain’t so bad, ya shit head.
8 years ago at 6:31 amMonopoly money doesn’t count squirt
8 years ago at 8:11 pmSwing and miss there champ. Now shut up and bring your master a beer like a good girl.
8 years ago at 8:38 pmAnd bow down while you present it to me. See this Green Jacket? Grab one for your dad while you’re at it, squirt.
8 years ago at 11:47 pmYou wanna get your ass beat chief? Because that’s where we’re headed
8 years ago at 1:45 amThe only thing you could beat is your own meat. Now sit down bitch wouldnt want to get your feelings hurt
8 years ago at 4:31 amProps on not saying “swing and a miss,” squirt.
8 years ago at 9:07 amToo much of a bitch to do anything I see. Not suprised. Typical golf pussy.
8 years ago at 9:42 amI have enough core strength to wrestle you into submission and make you scream uncle while you cry about the triggered memory recall from when your uncle raped you. And you’ll never escape my vice grips because you’re a pussy little shit peasant whose mouth writes checks his ass can’t cash. And just as you slip out of consciousness, I’ll whisper in your ear “bitch” and then we’ll see who’s a pussy.
8 years ago at 10:27 amDo something about it then you little bitch
8 years ago at 12:51 pmFight me, bitch. I’m in Richmond this weekend.
8 years ago at 6:47 pmThey say I have soft hands around the greens, but your face can be the judge of how hard these fists are, vaginator.
8 years ago at 9:23 pmYou sure you wanna do this little man? You aren’t gonna be playing golf for awhile after I’m done with your sorry ass
8 years ago at 5:33 pmFucking come at me you pussy little cunt.
8 years ago at 5:39 pmYou won’t do it.
8 years ago at 5:44 pmTime and place you fucking pussy
8 years ago at 7:40 pmSquirt you couldn’t beat AndrewsMomsAss if she had both hands tied behind her ass. Now sit down before you get an asthma attack.
8 years ago at 5:56 pmSwing and a miss little guy. Now fetch your master a beer like a good girl
8 years ago at 12:17 pmSit down little man, before you get a nosebleed
8 years ago at 10:33 amMake me you fucking pussy. I own you.
8 years ago at 7:40 pmKroger on Broad. Parking lot. Bright and early. I’ll bring a bandage for after I fuck your face up.
8 years ago at 9:29 pmIt’s Saturday night I have better things to do than drive to beat your sorry ass. Sorry you dont. Monday morning I’ll come knock your teeth in
8 years ago at 9:36 pmSwing and a miss, junior. The only thing you’ll be doing Monday morning is going to your social studies class to turn in your essay, “How a Bill Becomes a Law.”
8 years ago at 9:59 pmI will gladly kick your ass on Monday morning right before I go to Accounting. Don’t bother doing your essay now, you’ll have plenty of time in the hospital.
8 years ago at 10:45 pm8am. Don’t pussy out
8 years ago at 11:02 pmDelete your account you fucking GDI goober
8 years ago at 5:01 amMake me bitch. Please make me
8 years ago at 4:39 pmWhy don’t you make it interesting, puss: give your actual school and fraternity.
8 years ago at 6:54 pmUTK SAE bitch
8 years ago at 8:30 pmThe last time someone asked you were a KSig. You are definitely the kid who didn’t get a bid. That’s why you’re such a little bitch on this site. Probably not at UTK either. ECU is more your style. Pussy.
8 years ago at 8:51 pmI’m a KSig. There is absolutely no way (not even a snowball’s chance in hell) that even our worst chapter gave thevaginator a bid. I’m not going to say why, but my brothers will back me up on this.
8 years ago at 8:57 pmSee you in the parking lot, Shooter.
8 years ago at 9:17 amKroger on Broad in Richmond, you turtle-fucker. I named the place before you did, so don’t try and change it you cheap little bitch.
8 years ago at 5:41 pmVirginator votes “^This” on his own comments. And replies in the middle of the stream to make it look like he’s not the ginormous cuck he is.
8 years ago at 6:35 pmI cannot wait to knock the shit out of you
8 years ago at 12:12 amPipe down pipsqueak. You’ll get your teeth knocked in if you’re not careful.
8 years ago at 7:50 amHe pussied out. Good news was I got myself a nice hot breakfast at Kroger to fill the void of disappointment.
8 years ago at 9:57 amThanks for the update, although we all guessed this would be the case. He’ll have an excuse. He’s probably dealing with a massive hemorrhoid from all the time he’s taken it up the ass this weekend.
8 years ago at 11:29 amI was there with Fratty Couples. Some geeky looking kid on a Huffy bicycle came by at 8am. He slowed down, took one look at us, and took off as fast as his cargo-shorted legs could pump. Too bad, I was looking forward to putting my fist through his teeth after Fratty Couples got through with him.
8 years ago at 11:46 amYou’re gonna own a handful of loose teeth after I put my fist through them junior.
8 years ago at 9:29 pmOh sit down and shut the fuck up. I’ve given you countess opportunities to name a time and place and you’ve bitched out every time. I’m done with this peasant.
8 years ago at 9:37 pmYou’ll use any excuse to get out an ass beating want you squirt
8 years ago at 2:03 pmYou’re the one who won’t name the time and place little man. I’ve been waiting a week but you keep pushing out like the pussy you are.
8 years ago at 2:07 pmUTK outside Hess Hall. Tuesday 8am. Don’t pussy out
8 years ago at 4:37 pmNice try, but see below. You told me to name a time and place, which I did, and you don’t get to change it, fuckface.
8 years ago at 5:42 pmI wasn’t talking to you dumb shit. I’ll be there bright and early tomorrow to beat your ass
8 years ago at 6:02 pmAsk snoop dogg what he thinks is a TFM
8 years ago at 5:30 pmFirst time out there, first time par 3 contest had to be cancelled. Thanks a lot dick. Try not to fuck up the whole tournament.
8 years ago at 5:49 pmFuck you dorn
8 years ago at 7:03 pmhgjghj
8 years ago at 2:20 am