Kim Jong-un Is Now The Only One In North Korea Who Can Wear His Haircut, Which Is Flames BTW

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If this headline confuses you, it’s possibly because your memory bank tells you that Kim Jong-un once mandated that all North Korean males get the iconic KJU white wall haircut, and that’s because he did exactly that three years ago. Now, amid heightened foreign tensions and international headline-grabbing nuclear weapon testing, it’s being reported that he has laid sole claim to his hairstyle and has outlawed it for all others in North Korea.

From Express:

Kim Jong-un has forbidden citizens of the hermit kingdom from having the same haircut as him, it has been claimed.

A list of allegedly state-mandated styles was snapped by a journalist inside the heavily controlled state.

But despite many styles sporting shaved side styles, the list does not contain the style made famous by nuclear weapon wielding warmonger Kim Jon-un.

The Finnish reporter, who is believed to have snapped the approved list while visiting the Pyongyang for the ‘Day of the Sun’ celebrations, claimed the barber gave him the “best shave and head massage I have ever had”.

He added: “North Korean men can choose between 15 approved haircut styles.

Imagine the power. Imagine the narcissism. Imagine the gall. Imagine living in a society so backwards that your trusted leader very literally calls dibs on a fucking haircut. A HAIRCUT. And yeah I mean it is a fire haircut, but still, he took a break from plotting a nuclear attack on the United States to basically copyright a HAIRCUT.

He’s the best, isn’t he? I mean, he’s the literal worst, but he’s the best, right? You want to keep a country in line, you make them fear for their lives and give them a list of 15 pre-approved haircuts they can wear. That’s a nation who asks “how high?” when you tell them to jump.

[via Express]

Image via Shutterstock

  1. BobMotherFuckingBarker

    Your dad being so powerful that he gave you a country and convinced the people in it that you’re a family of demigods TFM

    9 years ago at 2:46 pm
    1. Hazerdous Material

      No. One thing I do know? He can’t have the same hair cut as emperor so ronry.

      9 years ago at 4:05 pm
  2. The Golden God

    Making sure no one else can have your haircut, what a fucking power move

    9 years ago at 2:55 pm
      1. SharkWeekTFM

        Agreed. Hitler wins one of the best dressed militaries of that century. Quite intimidating. Kim’s guys march is a bit more dance like than the goose step. Whether that’s better or not I dunno.

        Then I guess I agree with the FemiNazi. Never thought I’d ever say those words together!

        9 years ago at 12:16 am
  3. Big Dumb Idiot

    I enjoy these articles. Too bad they’re not going to be around for much longer, with North Korea about to be blown off the map and all.

    9 years ago at 3:40 pm
    1. Sigma Alpha Egg sandwich

      What makes you think that? China would go to war to keep them as they are. If Kim lost power they would have a serious refugee problem on their hands while they are already dealing with over population as it is. I’m not saying that we are threatened by China, but North Korea is not worth a war with them over.

      9 years ago at 8:38 pm
      1. Michigander

        The only reason China would attack us is if we attack them, or stop business with them. Sure they sell North Korea 90% of all goods there but they’d rather make us happy meal toys and other bullshit than keep the shittiest country in history from fucking with us.

        9 years ago at 10:17 pm
  4. Hazerdous Material

    I wonder if he really does play “Firework” by Katy Perry on repeat, while driving around his WWII dated tank.

    9 years ago at 4:04 pm
  5. Reasonable_man

    With a flotilla, scratch that, a fucking armada of US war ships parking themselves 4 miles off your coast and Trump declaring that all options are on the table; the power to dictate a national hairstyle is somewhat meaningless.

    9 years ago at 4:10 pm
  6. Kappasaurus

    I got insider news that we’re going to have some serious altercations in the next 2 weeks with this guy

    9 years ago at 11:20 pm