Stupid Majors: General Studies

Rick Lasagna8 years ago

If there was ever a degree that would make you the most average version of yourself, it would be General Studies. There is a 100 percent chance that when General Studies majors are asked about what they are studying, that this is how the conversation goes:

“So what are you studying?”
“General Studies.”
“Oh, so what does that entail?”
“Everything.”
“Okay, dope. So, what do you want to do after school?”
“Whatever I want.”
“You’re such a douche, Kevin.”

A conversation like this tells you everything that you need to know about a General Studies major. First, it’s quite obvious that the only tangible skill they have to offer is being a prick. Second, you realize that they just spent $30,000 on a glorified version of high school and probably would’ve been better off spending that money at St. Lucy’s Technical College for the Sexually Dysfunctional to figure out why they have never gotten laid. Lastly, you actually feel kind of bad for this kid who doesn’t know what they want to do but quickly get over it after you realize what a prick they were to you.

Now, a classic argument that a General Studies major will make to justify their degree is “Well, I’m a generalist.” In what world has there ever been a job description that read, “You have to know a little about photosynthesis, a tad about supply and demand, a tiny bit of Shakespearean Literature, and at least have some knowledge about Canadian geography. Preferably have some experience with the quadratic formula and speaking Yiddish too.” The only time this sort of knowledge could be useful would be on Jeopardy but considering the moron who chose to pursue a General Studies degree at Midwestern Public State School University would be competing against Ivy-leaguers with meaningful degree doctorates and members of Mensa, I see that backfiring for Mr. Generalist.

Another, less-egotistic response you’ll get from a General Studies major is “I don’t know what I want to do after college.” No one knows what they want to do after college, buddy. However, it takes someone with shit for brains to voluntarily re-learn everything they were too high to pay attention to in high school. If you’re really that undecided about what you want to study, at least take something like Communications where you can say you studied something you have to do in every job, you goon.

So, to all you past, current, and soon-to-be General Studies majors out there, if there is one thing you should take away from deciding to pick a major with no societal value, it’s this: start a company where you can hire General Studies majors to make dinner table talk more interesting and provide ringers for Trivial Pursuit. It’s maybe not the most lucrative career path but neither was choosing to be a General Studies major. At least with this route you can put all the random shit you learned to good use and maybe get some free chow out of it as well..

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