You Need To Be Playing ‘Slip And Flip’

cultured_cunt8 years ago

Graduation season is upon us and with it comes the inevitable end of your five-year hiatus from real life that is generously known as higher education. The silver lining to this otherwise dreary transition into adult life is the graduation party that your parents will oh so proudly want to throw you. It’s safe to assume this fiesta will be stocked with copious amounts of the finest alcohols money can buy and your dad standing proudly at his beloved grill, surveying a sea of drunks on his impeccable lawn that spans his sizable suburban yard. If done correctly, this innocently intended graduation party can devolve into a glorified day drink attended by friends and family alike. With this metamorphosis comes one final chance at glory.

Maybe you were the Dillon Cheverere of your squad at college, constantly spouting off about your ability to throw a football farther than anyone that you’ve ever met or how only hot people can be in your presence. Maybe you were the Producer Micah of your friends, quietly grinding behind the scenes to make sure everything was running smoothly and straight up annihilating every banana in sight that your plantar fasciitis riddled feet could carry you to. None of that matters now, however. What is important is to capitalize on your former self-proclaimed athletic abilities before that 9-5 office job in marketing you have lined up robs you of it and your youth once and for all. The solution is obvious: You need to get wildly day drunk via a slip and flip drinking game. If you’re city trash without a backyard, stop reading this now and go pop a hydrant while you drink out of a brown paper bag.

The rules should be simple to grasp for the college educated adult that you have now officially (read: miraculously) become. Teams start at one end of the slip and slide (preferably at the top of a sizable slope) and must slide to the other end where a flip cup table awaits. After the first team member has successfully downed their beer and flipped the cup, they then wave on the next teammate who repeats the process until no cups remain. If you lose the round, you must vote off one member of your team and play again with the original number of cups. Repeat this until one team is eliminated. If you were, in fact, the Dillon Cheverere of your school (Editor’s note by Dillon: I didn’t add this part in myself), you might be lucky enough to have enough friends to warrant a bracket of teams, a playoffs of sorts.

If everything has gone to plan up until this point, you will be on a precipice overlooking your boyhood home, with the finest roll of plastic Home Depot has to offer stretched out before you, surrounded by scantily clad women with the promise of risky endeavors awaiting. At this point you just have to trust the results that five years of heavy drinking has had on you and let your instincts take over. All that stands before you and the final highlight of your college career is a gentle incline and three to five red solo cups of Natty Light.

To recap, the upsides of the slip and flip are undeniable. It hits on nearly everything you could ask for in a drinking game, be it providing an excuse to show far more skin than is necessary or providing a way to assert your athletic prowess in one final desperate attempt at mediocrity, this game leaves little to be desired. Not to mention that no family member is going to want to discuss career plans with you after you throw up from the punishing toll that sprinting hills and pounding far more beers than one should be proud of for 3 o’clock in the afternoon at a family party has on a man. It’s two birds with one stone. In short, give the college lifestyle one final, tender embrace before you march on into the working world by getting day drunk at your grad party via slip and flip..