The Adam Sandler Slander Needs To Stop

Wally Bryton8 years ago

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

In this day and age, whenever Adam Sandler’s name is brought up, it turns into a hatchet job. A conversation bashing him for how unfunny and obnoxious he is. How incredibly dumb his movies are and his total lack of talent. It’s all the rage to loathe everything about Adam Sandler nowadays. I’m almost positive it’s legally required. Seriously, in some states I’m certain you can get 25 to life for laughing at “Grown Ups 2.” Everyone is just too cool for school when it comes to Adam Sandler.

You ungrateful sons of bitches.

Have we forgot about all the joy that Sandler brought to our childhoods once upon a time? All the belly laughs he provided in elementary and middle school? The SNL Best Of DVD your dad rented from Blockbuster? Listening to the Hannukkah song every December? And now you’re gonna turn your back on this beautiful soul? Shame on you. Shame on all of you.

The Sandler slander needs to stop no matter how insanely fun it is to say the words ‘Sandler slander” out loud.

Look, no one can argue against the fact that Sandler has made some questionable decisions lately. There’s just no defending “Jack And Jill.” It was a a disaster of epic proportions, so much so that Bruce Springsteen did a televised charity concert for the victims and families that were involved in that tragedy. “That’s My Boy” and “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry” had less laughs than “Schindler’s List.” And the list of truly cringeworthy recent work is just hard to stomach.

That being said, Sandler was a fixture of our childhoods. Every year, a new Sandler movie would come out. It was like a tradition. And who doesn’t remember constantly quoting “Billy Madison,” a film which arguably serves as the closest thing society has to a modern Bible. Hundreds of years from now, when humanity is long gone, aliens will visit our planet and dig up the Billy Madison screenplay and understandably assume it was a holy text.

The childhood classics go on and on. “Happy Gilmore,” “Big Daddy,” “Eight Crazy Nights,” “50 First Dates,” “The Wedding Singer,” “The Waterboy” and…well…you know the man’s past. Were they not the deepest of films? Of course, but that was part of the magic. Not to mention, he’s actually proven himself to be a surprisingly phenomenal dramatic actor (Funny People, Punch Drunk Love, and Reign Over Me). So show the man some damn respect.

He’s an institution, and no matter how may bad movies he makes, he will remain an American hero. I don’t care if he makes 47 atrocious films in a row, stabs my grandmother in the throat, bombs a children’s hospital on Christmas and steals the Declaration of Independence, I will always have love for the man.

My appreciation for Adam Sandler was fully cemented 4 years ago when I actually saw “Grown Ups 2.” Keep in mind, I didn’t like that movie. It wasn’t the disaster that critics said it was but it was definitely no masterpiece. I sat in the theater baffled, thinking “Man, only a 9 year old boy would laugh at this.” And then it hit me like a drunk driver. Adam Sandler doesn’t make movies for college kids. He makes movies for 9 year old boys that laugh at every dick and fart joke. This isn’t a bad thing. I honestly think its a great thing.

Even at his most vulgar, like Wu-Tang, Adam Sandler is for the kids. That’s why he was a fixture of our childhoods. He touched our hearts when we were little boys. So please, Adam, never stop touching little boys.

Wait, that came out wrong..