A Guide To Grilling Burgers That Would Make The Founding Fathers Proud

Schermerhorny Johnson8 years ago

Independence Day being right here means it’s time for you to step up to the plate, call your shot, and show your friends and family how you put meat to flame. For those of you who either don’t take charge and grill at your family gatherings or just flat-out don’t know how to cook anything but ramen and pizza rolls, don’t fret; I have a burger recipe that’s guaranteed to impress your family and friends.

First, you have to prep your burgers. Most people like to mix different cuts of beef, but I’ve personally found that using regular lean ground beef really gives that beef flavor that you look for in a burger. You could even chop up some uncooked bacon and mix it with the ground beef to give it more fat content, which ultimately gives it more flavor. Once you have all the meat in a large mixing bowl, you’ve got to spice it up. My favorite mix is some finely chopped white or red onion, minced garlic, a chopped jalapeño if you like spice, a little onion powder, a little garlic powder, some dried parsley, dried basil, dried oregano, crushed dried rosemary, salt, pepper, and a few splashes of Worcestershire sauce. I sometimes add a little chili powder, cayenne pepper, and a splash of Jack Daniel’s, but that’s just me. Mix it all together really well and form your patties. Push your thumb into the center of them so they don’t turn into round meatballs when you cook them. Try to refrigerate them for a little while, but if you don’t it’s fine. They’ll be fine. Trust the process.

Next, you’re going to want to set your grill to high heat and get it crazy hot. Hotter than a billy goat with a blow torch. Hotter than hell and half of Georgia. You want to really hear them sizzle the second they hit the grill; this will ensure you get a solid char and grill marks on your burgers. Once your patties are on the grill, you’re going to want to cook them until they’re medium rare. Medium rare is the best and only way to eat a burger or a steak. It allows for the best flavor and texture. Facts.

Cook the burgers for about 5 minutes per side, but whatever you do DON’T TOUCH THEM. As soon as you put them on the hot grill, leave them alone and don’t touch until it’s time to flip them. Don’t turn them, don’t smush them down with your spatula like you work at a damn Steak ‘n Shake, and don’t keep flipping them over and over again to give the impression you know what you’re doing. You don’t, and you’re only making the burger lose flavor and dry out, you clown. If you want a juicy, flavorful burger, put it on the grill, walk to the cooler, grab a beer, sip on half, flip the burgers, sip until the rest of your beer is gone, put cheese atop them (pepper jack is recommended), walk to the cooler to grab another beer, then take the burgers off the heat. The burgers will be cooked perfectly, and the cheese will be melted just right.

Nothing’s better than grilling. There’s something primal about open flame and red meat that tingles the fuzz on my peaches. As long as you know how to grill properly and practice, practice, practice, you’ll quickly become a grillmaster..