Why Every Fraternity Should Consider Employing A Mole Pledge

A Broad a semester7 years ago

One of the top 3 urban legends within the fraternity pledge community is that of the mole pledge, who lives among the pledge class — seemingly one of their own — but is secretly working for the brothers. This scenario can play out in two different ways. First option: you’ll be in a room full of your pledge brothers sweeping the carpet or some shit and you “overhear” a seemingly errant conversation from some brothers discussing the mole in your pledge class. Much like something every branch of our current US government would do, they purposefully leak the idea that an active brother with a low profile on campus was assigned to infiltrate your pledge class and pretend to be one of you as a means of causing you all to turn against each other. After all, the mole will steal all of your secrets, report back to the brothers all of your lies and shortcomings, and royally fuck you. This situation fun to joke about as a pledge class because it almost never actually happens. Maybe you’ll take a hard look for a week or two at the sophomore pledge who spent his freshman year going on Twitter tirades about frats every weekend, only to rush this year claiming he “really missed the camaraderie of high school sports” and think he’s the mole, but eventually you’ll realize you’re just being paranoid and that it’s all in good fun.

The infinitely more entertaining mole pledge scenario, though, is that of someone pledging Fraternity A, being granted initiation, and then next semester infiltrating Fraternity B as an agent of espionage.

You might start to think that you are a member of the aforementioned Fraternity B when little things start to go regularly wrong for your chapter. Another house declares the dates of their philanthropy week just days after you decided on that same week in chapter. The propane tank gets stolen from the house grill the night before every planned barbecue. And how does Sigma Chi keep stealing your Saturday night party themes for their Friday night events? We’re not talking about CEOs and Office Hoes here, either; they’re somehow producing the same deep cuts as you. Sexy Teachers and Mythical Creatures, Legends of the WNBA, Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge — all implemented a mere night before you could execute them. If there isn’t a leak, then your campus is turning into some weird Goosebumps novel. I maintain that the best course of action is to strike hard and strike fast. Implement your own mole pledge and win the cold war.

Like any good action thriller from the ‘90s, target the strongest pledge with the most sociopathic tendencies and groom him from the beginning. Train him differently than the rest of his pledge class, with the full knowledge that one day he will embark on the most important of missions. Brainwash him with Vietnam War-era propaganda to hate the enemy above all else. Of course you never inform his pledge class about his intense training, but they’ll sense something is different with him. After initiation you can never allow him to get comfortable, for come next semester? He will be gone. The enemy may believe this could never happen; not to them. No way could this kid they spotted walking through the quad, invited to their parties, asked to come back… no way could this kid be a mole. After all, who would willingly sign up to enter the lion’s den? But to your agent of chaos, he’s entering the hen house, and he is the fox.

He will record all illegal transactions, keep a detailed ledger of the slush fund, and photograph all actual receipts following “philanthropy” donations. He will strategically ally himself with key brothers in order to blackball any member of the pledge class that suspects him. Any great party themes, intramural strategies, travel weekends — all soiled by his activities. In an ideal world, he will contribute to the president’s cocaine addiction and break apart all bonds of brotherhood from within. If all that fails to make a dent in their campus reputation, maybe he burns the house down with an errant cigarette and some errant gasoline. Generations of history and brotherhood will turn to ashes as you joyously watch with your brothers from across the street. And while his new “brothers” scream for him to get water to help douse the flames, their eyes will turn to horror as they see him throw his duffel bag over his shoulder and return to his real home.

Be it figuratively or literally, let your mole burn down the opposition. And yeah, maybe in this fantasy land the mole pledge goes postal on enemies both foreign and domestic like his name is John Rambo, but you just couldn’t let PIKE have the best float at homecoming. Not again.

This venture requires all the trademark signs of a good plan:

1) A sociopathic recruit

2) A bureaucratic system willing to overlook the needs of the individual to protect the needs of the few

3) No regard for insurance payouts

4) A real “rolling brownout drunk at 4 a.m. when we texted the plan to our pledge but accidentally CCed Fraternity B’s president” vibe to the whole ordeal..