Toxicology Report Reveals That Tiger Woods Is A Pill-Popping, One-Man Party

Mike Hale7 years ago

We all know that Tiger Woods was arrested for operating a vehicle under the influence back in May after a cop found him sleeping in his car’s driver seat on the side of the road. After failing the sobriety tests, Tiger blew a 0.00 on the breathalyzer. Peculiar. Now, the toxicology report is out and it reveals that Tiger had five different drugs in his system. Yeah, five: Vicodin, Dilaudid, Xanax, Ambien, and THC.

Tiger is trying to explain it away as self medication for his back problems. Maybe if he had 2 drugs in his system I’d be on his side; we can all agree that messing up your back is the absolute worst, and that the pain can be unbearable. Three drugs would be a stretch, but I may have still been on his side. Anything after 4 is no accident; it’s the blatant pursuit of a substance-fueled good time. Why are we fighting this? Why are we still holding Tiger up as a respectable role model and prized athlete? It’s time we embrace the shit show and come to terms with the fact that Tiger Woods has chosen to walk the path of Johnny Manziel.

We had almost 2 decades to marvel at Tiger the untouchable golf champion. Now, I want to see the next chapter unfold. I want to bear witness to the party years. We began to see hints of Party Tiger when his side chick(s) started surfacing. Now PT is really starting to wake up — and I’m riled for it. I mean, come on. If one of your brothers was arrested with that kind of rager cocktail in his system, you would tell the tale for years. Let’s stop the charade. I, for one, am standing by and praying that Tiger steers into the swerve and starts to take some pages out of the “John Daly Handbook for Life.”.

[via ESPN]

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