Does The Fact That I Vape Make Me Lame As Hell?

Mookie Bets7 years ago

Let me take you back in time to better days. You’re flying on a plane. You just bought an overpriced mixed drink from a hot stewardess, but you’re fine with it because it’ll settle your nerves. You light up a heater 30,000 feet in the air and you’re literally and figuratively on top of the world. Life was grand, but then things started to change.

Let Jeremy Piven explain in a compelling manor.

By the time the ’90s ended, cigarettes were banned on U.S. domestic flights. Since then, cigarettes have been phased out of almost all enclosed social settings. Now, they’re becoming more and more frowned upon by society with each passing day.

In 1963, the original vape god, Herbert A Gilbert, filed a patent for the first electronic cigarette. At that time, smoking was allowed everywhere. This included since-banned cigarette ads, restaurants, and airplanes. So his idea didn’t really take off, to say the least. Herb’s patent was irrelevant until 2003, when a Chinese medical researcher named Hon Lik introduced the first e-cigarette to the public. The phrase, “Do you vape, bro?” was born, and people have been innovating vaporizers, e-cigarettes, and whatever the fuck else people are smoking electronically ever since.

Today, there is a common stigma regarding how people get their nicotine. If you vape too heavy, you’re a squid. If you light too many cigs, you’re gross. Where is the middle ground? Is there one?

I have consulted with a couple of my fellow TFM writers to get some perspective on the current situation.

Former smoker, shitto, had this to say:

What the fuck? We were born with an expiration date. If one of your vices is going to kill you, at least get the most out of it. Nobody likes a quitter, but everybody hates somebody who vapes.

Not not true, shitto.

Resident Italian, ItallianStallion, had a message to vape gods everywhere:

Here’s my state of the union address to the “vape nation.” When society takes away one stupid fad, they give us another. In this case, when the narcissistic photography equipment known as the selfie stick died out, we got vaping. Sure, you all think you’re cool and hip blowing around water vapor like a human hipster cloud, but no one’s impressed. Instead, we all watch in pain as you walk around campus in your vape pack of you and at minimum three other vapers. Side note: what is your obsession with having to walk and move like a swimming shark when you vape? Sit down on the bench next to the cigarette smokers and be normal. You’re not impressing anyone in your fedoras and trench coats. And news flash: vapes aren’t like cars or bank accounts; bigger is NOT better. Half of you look like you’re smoking out of a Transformer’s cock. You’re not impressing anyone. If you want to impress someone, smoke a Cuban cigar instead.

Very passionate. The hate is definitely real.

Well, here’s my take. I’ve never been a cig guy. Sure, the occasional drunk cig is unreal, but I’m not buying my own pack and casually lighting up outside the library. Vapes were always too much of a deal for me too, and I never wanted to be that guy carrying around a fish tank full of vape juice blowing nimbus clouds into people’s faces.

Here is my middle ground, and no, this is not an ad for JUUL (although I wish they endorsed me with free pods). I was introduced to the JUUL vaporizer by Pax last year, and now I search Philly top to bottom on the reg to find the legendary mango JUUL pods. It’s similar to Jon Snow searching for dragonglass, but way more pathetic. Anyway, I love the JUUL because it’s lightweight, slick, and doesn’t look like an oxygen tank. The flavors of the pods are magnificent, and in Philly it’s way more economical to buy pods than a pack of boogs.

All in all, I guess I am a vape god, but… in a less obnoxious way? I’m not really sure — nor do I care. Either way, we are all getting our nicotine in somehow. Shoutout to Herby Gilbert and Hon Lik for the e-cig invention. You’re the real MVPs.

Let me know your stance on the war between vape gods and cig smokers on Twitter @ConesDeal. Oh, and if you have a mango JUUL pod connect, let me know ASAP. Always down for a new plug..

Image via Shutterstock