According To Shocking Study, Binge Drinking Your Face Off Is Detrimental To Future Employment Aspirations
8 years ago

afc32bdd5cfe6cf4b4db3fdbb46d95a0

Here come these “scientists” again trying to ruin our fun. What’s the magnificent breakthrough this time? Apparently, a pattern of excessive drinking isn’t great for your career aspirations. Shocking.

From News-Medical:

Heavy drinking six times a month reduces the probability that a new college graduate will land a job by 10 percent, according to Tel Aviv University and Cornell University research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

Previous studies were unable to determine the precise effect of alcohol consumption on first-time employment. But according to the new study, each individual episode of student binge-drinking during a month-long period lowers the odds of attaining full-time employment upon graduation by 1.4 percent.

10 percent? That’s it? I already eat poorly, don’t exercise, and throw away my money betting on college football every Saturday morning. Just add this to the list, another instance where I’ll be taking my chances. Even 50 percent would make me hesitant about ruining my good time. Say I do stop excessively drinking. For what? So that I can have an entry-level job making 35k with bennies guaranteed upon graduation? Whoopty-fucking-doo.

“Binge-drinking” is defined as ingesting four or more alcoholic drinks within two hours by a woman and five or more alcoholic drinks within two hours by a man, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

In college, five drinks in two hours is just called drinking. Generally speaking, if I don’t get five Vodka Red Bulls down the hatch in twenty minutes, it starts to feel like I’m falling behind.

What does this study have to say about college students like me who go by our own definition of binge drink? I’m talking 10-15 drinks in two hours. Are we even on the chart? Should I just drop out and file for unemployment now?

While I’m sure they came to this conclusion with the utmost objectivity, I’m not buying it. In fact, the only way it will affect me at all is if my mom stumbles upon this, and decides to confront me about my “problem” for the thousandth time. Other than that, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll see you heathens at Thirsty Thursday. Who’s buying?

[via News-Medical]

  4. Bro-hann Sebastian Bach

    Morgan looks like the kind of girl who would mistake you for a valet or waiter if you met on a date

    8 years ago at 12:28 pm
  5. thevaginator

    Water is wet, the sun is hot, blowjob420 is gay, and sigmanugs is a virgin

    8 years ago at 1:49 pm
    1. SigmaNugs311

      You sure do comment about me a lot. I must take up a lot of space in that tiny brain. How’s high school, still getting your ass kicked everyday by the elementary kids on the bus?

      8 years ago at 3:23 pm
      1. thevaginator

        Kid take a look at the entire first page of the comments you’ve made. You ONLY comment about me. I own you.

        8 years ago at 4:01 pm
      2. SigmaNugs311

        No dumbfuck, I reply to your shitty comments. You comment about me. Days will go by and you’ll out of nowhere comment about me. Like I said, I must take up a lot of realty in that tiny ass brain of yours. Tell your mom I said hi.

        8 years ago at 7:23 am
      3. thevaginator

        Not quite junior. It’s mostly you replying to my comments that have nothing to do with you, followed by me calling you out on your shit, and then you running away like a little bitch, which is what you will undoubtedly do here. The times i make jokes about you, well that’s just me making ya dance a little because I can kid, and boy do you like to dance.

        8 years ago at 9:41 am