According To Research, California HATES Condoms
Well. Well. Well.
To quote the only 2pac song you listened to even though you pretend you’ve heard them all, “California knows how to party.” According to recent research, STDs are at an all-time high in Cali. And as a native Californian, I couldn’t be prouder. Okay, that’s a lie; I’m not a native. I moved to LA from the East Coast 2 years ago, but now I pretend I’ve lived here my whole life. Ironically, that’s also what 2pac did. I don’t know why I keep dissing Pac in this article; I promise I’m a huge fan.
On Tuesday, the California Department of Public Health released new statistics that reveal there were over 250,000 STD cases reported last year, reportedly a 40% increase from 2011’s numbers. California Department of Public Health Director/State Public Health Officer (Jesus CHRIST that is a long job title) Dr. Karen Smith had this to say:
From KCRA:
“The number of reported STDs in California is increasing at a concerning rate… This is the third year in a row that we have seen increases in chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis.”
Uh oh.
California is a weird place. It’s amazing here, but for some reason we don’t care about our lives. We think we do, but we don’t. Californians eat strict vegan diets, exercise every day, and avoid gluten (whatever that is) to stay healthy, but they also drink like lunatics and snort mountains of cocaine.
I guess that explains why Californians apparently refuse to wrap it up. We’re a bunch of superficial, stubborn bastards. Everyone here is an aspiring actor who gets plastic surgery and does sit-ups until they have 12 pack abs, but I guess they don’t care if their junk looks like a cheese pizza solely because they think condoms are “a bad look.” Sad.
Part of me wants to embrace it. ONLY 250,000? Let’s bump it up. Those are rookie numbers. But at the end of the day? Wrap it up, LA. Just because your favorite actor probably has herpes doesn’t mean you should follow in their footsteps..
[via KCRA]
Image via Shutterstock
Have they just given this site to Wally? I’d rather have SteveHolt (RIP).
8 years ago at 5:18 pmHey, Jared. I know your main job these days is to edit the freelancers’ shit, but won’t they let you actually write something now and then? You are actually funny. Barring that, could you insert a bit of wit into the freelancers’ crap? None of it is any good. Heck, these guys almost make me miss Kramer Smash. (PS: Kramer Smash sucked).
8 years ago at 5:22 pmBrian Hoyer sucks, too.
8 years ago at 5:23 pmMutually masturbating with a partner is one of the few sex acts that runs no risk of STD transmission or pregnancy.
8 years ago at 5:25 pmThis account won’t make it through the weekend.
8 years ago at 5:46 pmNor will TFM.
8 years ago at 7:48 pmI’m from California and have had sex with many women and very rarely used a condom. I don’t know, maybe it’s cause they don’t look dirty so I just go with the flow. I don’t blame drinking the 18 packs of natty light. Hehehe
8 years ago at 6:08 pmReading that hurt my brain
8 years ago at 7:58 pm100 bucks says you’re a virgin
8 years ago at 10:26 pmYour mom is a virgin, dogg.
8 years ago at 1:07 amYours sure as hell isn’t I can tell you that from experience.
8 years ago at 3:04 amIm Juan Hernangomez dunking in these ladies in California, for the fucking record. & I took your moms virginity just before you replied, that last comment.
8 years ago at 3:42 amEnglish mother fucker. Do you speak it??
8 years ago at 5:12 amOf course I speak English dumb fuck, Hailey knows too ;cause I’m porking her after a few drinks. Raw dogg style, hehehe; you dumb rooks got nerve.
8 years ago at 1:28 pmLol kid you’re new here so I’ll let you off work a warning. Now sit the fuck down before you get your ass beat
8 years ago at 9:38 amI would fuck you up and take your sperrys off afterwards. And throw them bitches in the trash. Haha
8 years ago at 1:24 pmDo something then you fucking pussy. Put up or shut up
8 years ago at 1:59 pmWhere are you from man? Come to California and I’ll let you beg me for mercy on your knees.
8 years ago at 2:13 pmI go to UTK but will be in Vegas in two weeks. I’ll happily knock you the fuck out there.
8 years ago at 3:34 pmYou don’t go to UTK, and you won’t be in Vegas. You’re nothing but a lying chickenshit pussy. We all know that. No one takes you seriously. Everyone thinks you’re an idiot. They just egg you on so you’ll make more idiotic comments. You talk about owning real estate in peoples’ heads, but you are the one who is being manipulated.
8 years ago at 4:49 amHaha well said man, thevagina is a straight bitch. I told him come through to California and he said I’ll be in vegas.
8 years ago at 5:03 amI already beat your ass at your own house kid why the fuck are you still talking?
8 years ago at 5:25 pmVegas huh, your lucky I can’t get there. If you want to hold onto this grudge till your nearby California, I will gladly serve you with an ass beating. Train mma in the meanwhile, because you my friend; I feel like stripping you naked and taking all your belongings. Punk ass little bitch, mf you.
8 years ago at 5:00 amI live across the country dipshit. I’m not flying all the way to California to beat your ass. Especially after I’ve traveled and been pussied out on twice by canadian4bacon and Fratty Couples. Vegas is only a 4 hour drive from LA so if you’re too much of a pussy to make that then that’s on you little man. Although I think the real reason is that you’re some scared high schooler who’s not even old enough to check into a hotel room. Fucking pussy
8 years ago at 5:28 pmExcuse gamer!, conclude your stupid cross country vacay with a contemplary ass beating from me here in CA for free. I want to fuck you up so bad, dumb little bitch; you’re fucking with demons you son of a bitch.
8 years ago at 10:54 pmI told you little man im done traveling for you losers. Especially because im 99.9% sure you will pussy out. It’s not your fault though blame canadian4bacon and Fratty couples for being man enough to show up to a fight. What’s your excuse for not making the short drive/flight to Vegas? Got a cock sucking appointment with sigmanugs?
8 years ago at 11:11 pmTo me it sounds like you’re the bitch worried about getting ko, cum guzzler. You’re not no vaginator punk mfer you’re a fake. Stop lying change your name to something else.
8 years ago at 12:27 amYou know what little man I might just consider it just to prove a point. Its not like money is an issue for me anyways. What’s your address pussy?
8 years ago at 1:35 pmOne week until I knock you the fuck out. Can hardly wait
8 years ago at 1:02 amHave a fun start to your weekend, See you on Sunday.
8 years ago at 1:22 amHOW YOU LIKE ME NOW BITCH. I told you if you kept running your mouth you would get your ass beat, and that’s exactly what happened. Maybe next time you’ll think about who you’re talking to before you go and run that big mouth of yours
8 years ago at 9:21 pmYou didn’t show up bitch, I was there for an hour waiting for you bitch ass. You’re a comedy ass son of a bitch.
8 years ago at 11:42 pmSo that’s what your telling people now that I’m about to get on the plane home? Pathetic.
8 years ago at 12:51 amI was there. No one else was there. The entire thing was a sham.
8 years ago at 6:09 amLook who decided to show up. I forgot you lived in the area or else I would have made a pit stop to give you the ass beating you so desperately deserve
8 years ago at 4:25 pmHey vaginator, you keep replying to a thread started by someone else. By your “rules,” Punchythegarden007 now owns a lot of real estate in your head. You’re nothing but a pussy.
8 years ago at 6:57 amNot quite junior. Not sit back down before you get your ass beat…again.
8 years ago at 1:31 pm*not being man enough. Fuck this site
8 years ago at 8:50 pmConsider choking on your dick and dying little bitch. UFC gym in corona. Name a date bitch ass punk.
8 years ago at 9:15 pmToo much of a pussy to give your address. Figures. And sunday October 15th in the evening if you have the balls.
8 years ago at 9:55 pmOctober 15, what time do you want your spanking ?
8 years ago at 10:11 pmStill no address? Come on kid man the fuck up. 6pm is good. That leaves you plenty of time to get to the hospital after i beat the living shit out of you
8 years ago at 10:16 pmFuck you bitch, I’ll be there; I don’t go to go into details anymore bitch. Glue your favorite dildo into your gurney, so you can end your day on a high note like your princess hoe ass likes too.
8 years ago at 10:30 pmSo you won’t give me an address? Good Lord you are a pussy.
8 years ago at 3:18 pmI’m coming for you big boy, be there oct 15.
8 years ago at 3:34 pmWhere dipshit? You’re talking all this shit and yet still have yet to post an address
8 years ago at 10:00 pmUFC gym corona California, right in the parking lot; nice neutral site. I’m coming for you big boy.
8 years ago at 10:29 pmThere’s more than one dumbass. And I don’t need a neutral site to knock you the fuck out. I’ll gladly beat your ass at your own house but youre far too much of a pussy to post the address.
8 years ago at 2:25 amThere’s only one in corona, o man you better be as big as you sound. Double scoop on your creatine and your prescriptions. You’re the bitch I’m not dodging your pussy ass, I will be there; no question.
8 years ago at 6:49 amNot according to Google little man. I was right though you’re too much of a pussy to post an address. How can I expect you to have the balls to show up and fight If you won’t even post an address?
8 years ago at 9:38 amYou actually took the time to look up the address? What a moron. Plus you’re still replying to his original thread. How much real estate does he own in your head, pussy?
8 years ago at 10:26 amYou’re the one commenting on a thread that’s 5 days old and has nothing to do with you little man. Now go back to your bottom tier shithole of a house before I come back over there and knock you the fuck out again
8 years ago at 1:37 pm470 McKinley st corona ca 92879. I’m not going to dodge you, I’ll be there. I think you have ovary balls, because you’re like jet plane trying to duck the fuck out. This is how you sound: see no address your not going to show; yea I’m tougher. No address again, hah yea I’m the toughest. Hah still no address, I’m the best. Your little mind is screaming for mercy. Wah wah wah wah wah wah wae. Fuck you
8 years ago at 3:18 pmFinally. Only took you 2 days you fucking pussy. And for the record you’re still a massive bitch for not being willing to travel to Vegas and for fighting at a UFC gym. Be a real man and handle your shit on your own turf. And don’t think for a second we are going inside and using gloves. I’m knocking your teeth into the back of your skull bare knuckle in the parking lot.
8 years ago at 3:48 pmDon’t bleed on me to much. O wait can we use 10 oz gloves, no no 16 oz gloves, no no sockem boppers, how about pillows. Fuck you hoe, 6’1 255 get at me bro.
8 years ago at 4:22 pmJust try not to eat me. Fat fuck
8 years ago at 4:31 pmI’m convinced Punchy and Vag are the same person.
8 years ago at 5:23 pmI’m not those guys man, I’ll leave you ko and let them find you like that little bitch from UMass parents petitioning and shit. Agghh!
8 years ago at 10:56 pmYou’re from California. No wonder I fucking hate you
8 years ago at 11:02 amI love you too, my virgin son.
8 years ago at 1:29 pmAccording to TFM, Wally likes huge penis in his butthole
8 years ago at 4:08 pm