Ivy League Schools Are Overhyped And Overrated

ItalianStallion7 years ago

Growing up in New Jersey, there are two main colleges you always hear about. The ironic thing is these two institutions of higher learning couldn’t be any more different; its like goddamn A Tale of Two Cities over here.

The first one is Rutgers. Rutgers is where drunk degenerates from all 50 states gather in East Brunswick, New Jersey to get inebriated. The school boasts a minor crime problem and subpar teams in every D-1 sport under the sun. Basically, having a degree from Rutgers says, “My liver’s shot and I have mediocre aspirations in life.”

The second school is Princeton University, the sacred ground on which the halls of the most hallowed learning stand. Princeton is the opposite of Rutgers: sophisticated, classy, and for those who are either already in or are soon to enter the upper echelon of society. At Princeton, sport coats are mandatory dress code attire for lectures and everyone speaks in a faint English accent (or so I imagine). No one drinks cheap beer; they drink vintage wines, and instead of coffee they drink tea out of sets of fine China (probably).

Sure, Princeton seems like it might be all well-to-do and proper in a way that’s palatable, but it belongs to the most pompous and cockiest of all the collegiate athletic conferences: the Ivy League. Ivy League schools like to pretend they’re the 1% of educational institutions, and their students and alumni carry themselves as such. Ivy League graduates are the type of people to use that extra room in their house for a library instead of a man cave or home gym. If you went to an Ivy League college and your daughter asks you for a pony for Christmas, you get it for her. You don’t get it because she wants it; you get it so you can use it to play polo in your fair time.

Ivy League schools, it’s time you get over yourselves. At the end of the day, you’re nothing more than the worst present-day D-1 athletic conference. One hundred years ago before football helmets existed your teams were relevant, now you’re lucky to have what, a dozen NFL players active at a time? Has there ever even been an ESPN College GameDay live from the campus of an Ivy League school? No, that’s because the people who normally would tailgate in the parking lot in the background while Tim Tebow offers his insight are probably in the plasma physics lab trying to solve global warming. (Editor’s Note: College GameDay was definitely live from Boston for the Harvard-Yale game back in 2014, but I respect the rant too much to take that point out)

Ivy League graduates, you’re no better than any of us who went to “normal schools.” We all went into debt to pay tuition; sorry you did it with a bigger price tag. And besides, what are you even paying for, the water polo team’s new Speedos? Dope. A “better education?” College is college. Maybe it’s the glory that comes with being an Ivy League school student that they’re after? I once met a girl who thought Harvard, the so-called poster child of the Ivy League, was a fake college created for the movie Legally Blonde. Granted she was dumb as shit, but it still goes to show that nobody cares.

Ivy Leagues, you’ve had a nice run. Back in the roaring twenties, you were the talk of the town, and all the coolest cats went to you. Now it’s 2017, and we’re ready for something a little more reckless than “lawn parties.”.

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