How About This Guy Who Can’t Stop Shitting In Washing Machines At Southern Illinois University

El Taco7 years ago

As if doing laundry wasn’t shitty enough, students at Southern Illinois University – Carbondale are now dealing with a serial pooper on the loose, shitting in washing machines at will. You’re probably thinking, Ha, that’s funny. But no.

This serial pooper/ future serial killer hasn’t done this once. They haven’t done it twice. They’ve done this shit at least eight times, dating back to at least 2016. We’ve got a full blown crisis on our hands, people.

From The Daily Egyptian:

The excrement was found after the student’s clothes had gone through a complete cycle, [sophomore Khiyah] Ransom said. After hearing of the first incident, Ransom said maintenance cleaned the machine.

Ransom said as far as she knows, only one student has told their RA about finding poop on their clothes, so maintenance has only come to clean the machines once.

However, at this point, residents say there have been eight confirmed excrement encounters in the laundry room of Abbott, two of which happened during the 2016-17 academic year.

“Now I’m, like, terrified to wash in Abbott,” Ransom said. “I was really upset about it, but I was like, I’m just wondering who’s doing this pooping.”

Ransom said she thinks the poop perpetrator might be striking when residents take too long to get their clothes out of the washers.

Do you think he (because you know it’s a he) shits in a bag beforehand and then places it in the wash, or does this psycho go full perch and drop one in? Don’t answer that. Just ponder it. Let it marinate.

It takes a special kind of person to live in a dorm for more than a year. It takes an extra special kind of person, though, to get so incredibly frustrated that someone hasn’t gotten their clothes out of a washing machine that they say “I HAVE TO SHIT ON THESE CLOTHES!” You know how hard it is to get shit out of clothes? Not that hard, but still… That’s someone else’s shit we’re talking about.

Ya know, we’re not that far past the alleged poop swastika at Mizzou that ignited racial protests. Who knows what’s going to happen at SIU if this serial pooper isn’t caught soon. Jesus take the washing machine (but remove your clothes in a timely manner)!.

[via The Daily Egyptian]

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