My Response To The Woman Who Wants To Narc On A Fraternity At Her Son’s College

Socrates Johnson7 years ago

Right off the bat, let me come out and say that serious hazing is inexcusably heinous. You join a fraternity to form a brotherhood and party balls. Not to force-feed a pledge Everclear because you don’t like the way his croakies dangle.

That being said, the recent influx of serious hazing cases — some fatal — has caused one clusterfuck of a climate that has everyone making snap judgments and rash decisions about every single incident before truly combing over the facts of each particular case.

Take one unnamed woman who wrote into the New York Times Magazine column called The Ethicist (it’s a bold name, Cotton. Let’s see how it pays off for ’em) for advice on how to best approach an incident at her son’s school involving a fraternity that’s allegedly notorious for hazing.

Being the keyboard warrior problem solver that I am, I decided to give a swing at addressing this lady’s thoughts, questions, and concerns. So here goes nothing.

From New York Times Magazine:

My son is on his college football team. Most of the football team is in a fraternity known for its boorishness; it prides itself on disparaging other frats and behaving badly. My son wisely chose not to join it, opting instead for a fraternity that appears to be serious about teaching ethical behavior to its members.

One of my son’s teammates joined the “football frat.” During the hazing process, the young man was severely injured and had to quit the football team. He also quit the fraternity and joined my son’s fraternity.

My question is whether I should alert the chancellor of the university to the situation. The teammate explicitly requested that no one be told about what happened to him. He is worried about the reactions of his former brothers.

I understand his concern, but I think the chancellor needs to know, so that he has a chance to correct the situation.

I am debating sending an anonymous letter or arranging to meet with the chancellor in person. This is a prestigious university. I am sure administrators would not want this happening on their watch. In addition, this behavior gives football and frats a bad name, not to mention depriving the football team of a great athlete and depriving that athlete of the game. What should I do?

First off, I’ve never understood why “football frats” are even a thing. Isn’t a football team basically a fraternity anyway? It’s like watching a Tony Robbins seminar on YouTube while also attending an AA meeting. You’re doing too much. Also, if your son joins a fraternity “that appears to be serious about teaching ethical behavior to its members,” he probably joined the wrong frat. You know, the type where all the actives don fedoras and stand on the front lawns of sorority houses while serenading the “good ol’ gals,” as they naturally call them, with show tunes. It’s funny because it’s probably true.

Introductory paragraph aside, let’s get to the real meat of the issue. Your son’s friend got injured badly enough during the course of fraternity hazing that he had to quit the football team. A seriously shitty situation all around. Though, and this goes back to my skepticism about “football frats,” to what extent was this football team hazing versus fraternity hazing? Of course, it’s more than likely that not everyone on the football team is on the fraternity, but the hazing rituals of said frat could just as easily stem from the culture created by the football team as it could from that fostered by the frat. But let’s forego the whole examination of subcultures for now because ain’t nobody got time for that.

Anyway, a complaint addressed to the university would need to be as specific as the situation dictates and not as simplistic as “the fraternity culture at such and such school is bad and gosh darn it, Mr. Chancellor (does your kid go to a Star Wars college?), you need to know about it.” Which sounds like something you probably wouldn’t write anyway.

But this brings me to the important question: Is it your place to involve yourself in this whole debacle to begin with? Sure, you could always write an anonymous letter. But that anonymity would really only benefit you. No matter how much you try to couch your complaint, it likely wouldn’t take long for everything to lead back to your son’s friend and nobody wants that.

While dealt a terrible hand, the friend seems to be on the road to making the most of his college experience and maybe it’s a good idea to respect his wishes. If he were your son, that would be one thing. Clearly, your hope is to spare other kids from a similar, or maybe even worse, fate as your son’s friend. A noble intention. But that responsibility falls on your son’s friend, not you. He’s really the only person who can speak to what he experienced at the hands of his hazers. As appealing as it sounds to go all vigilante, maybe that’s not the best thing to do here.

But maybe you shouldn’t take my word for it. I’m certainly no ethicist..

[via New York Times Magazine]

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