5 NFL Picks That’ll Pay Your Outrageous Weekend Bar Tab

Mookie Bets7 years ago

Last week I went 5-0 to bring my season long NFL record to 23-15. Mookie Bets is starting to heat up like four day old pizza you threw in the microwave and are kinda sketched out by, but it’ll taste decently sub-par so it’s chill. I have nobody to blame for last week because I went 5-0, so eat me if you faded, and you’re welcome if you rode.

I’m feeling good this week and I’m ready to keep building like Bob the fucking Builder. I can see 5/5 like I can see disappointment in a father after he sees that his daughter went viral during Halloween weekend. When these picks hit on Sunday, you won’t be that mad at yourself for spending exuberant amounts at the bar, and the only thing you will be mad about is your checking account getting fat. Let’s ride like Jon Snow on his way to fuck up some White Walkers.

All lines via MyBookie.ag. Hit them up for all your gambling needs.

Buccaneers Vs. Saints – Saints -6.5

The Saints are stomping all over teams Ndamukong Suh style, and I’m down to stomp with them. Jameis Winston is a bigger letdown than the Hangover Part 3 and Anchorman 2 combined, and that still doesn’t even do it justice. The Saints are about to march and stomp all over the Bucs on Sunday.

Bengals Vs. Jaguars – Jaguars -5

I’m back on the Jaguars. They’ve broken my heart like Pam does to Jim in The Office, so I’m hoping the Jaguars metaphorically leave Roy. I already regret this bet because of my history with the Jags, but playing at home with that stellar defense against the Bengals is too good to pass up on.

Colts Vs. Texans – Under 46

RIP to DeShaun Watson’s knee. That news is more disappointing than killing your last JUUL pod before you even leave to go out for the night. Just fucking awful. Anyway, the Texans aren’t going to be scoring many points without Watson, and the Colts won’t be able to move the ball on the Texans defense. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Lions Vs. Packers – Lions -2

I love Lambo field on a Monday night more than I love my fictional unborn stepchild. I wish Aaron Rodgers was playing so I could bet on Green Bay, but it looks like I’ll be riding Matty Stafford harder than his wife on New Years Eve. Lambo under the lights is where dreams are made, and bets are hit, so let’s fucking hit it.

Broncos Vs. Eagles – Eagles -7

Fly Eagles Fly. I could say that everyday of the year, and 80,000 times on game day. Just come down to South Philadelphia and you’ll understand. People are finally noticing that the Birds are legit, and after adding Jay Ajayi they are more legit than Stranger Things Season 2. Binge watch that shit. Anyway, the Eagles are 6-2 ATS, and I don’t think Denver will give us much of a challenge at home. Fly like an Eagle and send it.

Side Note: FUCK Zeke Elliott.

Send these picks so your checking account can stay fat and you can pay for your outrageous bar tab. Or don’t, and be a peon. As always, hit me up on Twitter @ConesDeal to discuss, call me a fuck, or keep up with my bets..

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