Natural Selection Strikes Again As Dude Accidentally Shoots His Own Dick Robbing A Hot Dog Stand

Dent8 years ago

There is a lot of people out there who think Darwin was full of shit. His theories on evolution? “Yeah fucking right,” they say as they omit science from their science books.

I’m not going to overtly say they are wrong; everyone is entitled to their opinion even if it seems to contradict facts. But an armed robber accidentally shooting his dick off trying to escape the scene of his crime? That just makes too much sense to argue that there isn’t some sort of natural selection at work.

From Chicago Tribune:

A man who robbed a Far South Side hot dog stand accidentally shot himself in the leg and penis as he tried to escape early Tuesday, according to court documents.

Terrion Pouncy, 19, remained hospitalized at Advocate Christ Medical Center in Oak Lawn on Thursday after the robbery about 6 a.m. Tuesday at the Original Maxwell Street Polish, 11656 S. Halsted St. in the West Pullman neighborhood, and so did not appear for his bond hearing Thursday, according to records. Judge Stephanie Miller ordered him held without bail, pending a hearing Tuesday, according to court records.

Everyone has their own way of making money to support themselves, and it seems 19-year-old Terrion Pouncy made a really poor choice with how he would acquire his. Talk about a horrible day at the office. Some people spill coffee all over their desk. Others get yelled at by their boss. Terrion? He shoots his fucking dick off. Even worse, after he is stitched back together, he gets to go straight to jail with no chance at bail. I have no personal experience, but I would imagine jail really sucks. Jail with a recovering dick? Unfathomably worse.

When officers arrived, the two employees told them that as Pouncy ran from the restaurant, he tried to put the gun in his pants and the it went off, shooting him in the groin, according to the report. Pouncy kept running north on Halsted Street and was seen stopping at a vacant car wash, where he threw something over the fence, according to the report.

When he got to the 700 block of East 116th Place, Pouncy called 911 to say he had been shot, according to the report.

Bad day made worse made even worse, had it not been for the errant discharge, the guy probably wouldn’t have even been caught. In a moment of crisis, this poor soul had to snitch on himself. Terrion had to make a decision: probably get away with his crime or save his wounded soldier and go to prison. In that very specific scenario, we all would’ve taken the 15-20 years that are surely coming down the pipe if it meant saving what is most important to us. What good is freedom if you don’t have a functioning member? That’s no way to live.

The lesson here is obvious. Either don’t be a small time criminal trying to knock off every hot dog stand or bagel shop in your neighborhood, or if that is the life you choose, be competent enough to not shoot yourself. That doesn’t seem like a lot to ask. Or try this out for size, engage your victims without pulling a gun, because shot in the dark here, nobody is putting up a fight over a couple of hundred dollars from a hot dog stand..

[via Chicago Tribune]

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