“Which Imaginary Dog Would Make The Best Frat Hound?” Honorable Mentions

ItalianStallion7 years ago

Just when I start to doubt the power of the internet, you guys prove me wrong. And this time, I underestimated how fast you keyboard warriors work. Not too long ago, I wrote an article power ranking imaginary dogs as frat hounds. Before the ink on my digital words was dry, the complaints started pouring into the comments section.

I’ll bite and say that some of the dogs you people claim I snubbed seem like they deserved a place, but throw me a bone and understand they didn’t. You really think I forgot about some of these pups? Nah, they just didn’t make the cut. Without further ado, here are the imaginary dog frat hound honorable mentions.

Spuds MacKenzie

The original party animal, Bud Light mascot Spuds MacKenzie has a special place in my heart. Throughout the 1980s, this pup was the epitome of my favorite things: cheap beer, fun women, and endless partying. The advertising genius that was this doggo is now a bygone ’80s relic, like Flashdance and the Reagan administration. As much as I emotionally connect with this dog that, quite honestly, might be the closest thing I have to a spirit animal, there are a number of notable reasons ol’ Spuds didn’t make the cut here.

For one, the dog that played Spuds was actually a female dog. Does that disqualify her from being a frat hound? Nope; just a little-known fact I wanted to throw out there. Two, Spuds was before my time. His heyday happened long before I was a twinkle in my dad’s drunken eye. The only Spuds MacKenzie commercial in my lifetime was that weird ghost Spuds MacKenzie commercial during this year’s Super Bowl (don’t judge me, but it gave me a few nightmares). Lastly, and most importantly, having Spuds MacKenzie as a frat hound would be the ULTIMATE cliché. GDIs think our entire life is a Spuds MacKenzie commercial. For nothing more than the sake of irony, I unfortunately decree Spuds doesn’t make the cut, although having him her around would be incredibly fun.

The Taco Bell Chihuahua

First off, thank God for spellcheck because I can’t spell “chihuahua” for shit.

Ah, an advertising icon I actually remember having grown up in the ’90s. This dog (who was actually 2+ different Chihuahuas, at least one of them, again, being female) made cheap food that can barely pass as Mexican cuisine cute and fun. It would be the better part of a decade and a half after this mascot’s demise before I truly realized the drunken powers of Taco Bell. Some people booty call their ex when they’re drunk, I yell at pledges to take me to Taco Bell to stuff my inebriated face with Doritos Locos Tacos (by the way, a belated thank you to Houston Astros’ Cameron Maybin for the free taco).

Why doesn’t our furry little friend make the cut? Chihuahuas are cute and all, but they’re too small to be frat hounds. Baja blast yourself back to Paris Hilton’s purse instead, where your talents are truly needed.

Air Bud

Last but not least, we have the golden retriever who can play basketball better than anyone on the Phoenix Suns. The backlash I got for not including Air Bud was immense, and I understand why. The dude can play every sport, and he’s always in a jersey. He can go straight from the IM field to the day drink without even having to change outfits. And if you think girls love dogs, wait until you see how much girls love dogs in jerseys.

Still, Air Bud has some negatives I can’t overlook. And by negatives, I’m mostly referring to the one big one: Air Bud is a Disney character. Disney built itself on a mountain of G-rated entertainment innocence that doesn’t mesh well with fraternity culture. If Air Bud himself laid witness to half the stuff that goes on inside a frat house, Walt Disney would probably unfreeze himself in horror just so he could kill himself for good.

Look, Air Bud — if this was the NBA draft, you’d be a shoo-in. But to be a frat hound? I’m gonna have to sit you on the bench for this one. Sorry, bud.

If anyone has any problems with this list, go find something better to do than sound off in the comments. Go play with an actual dog or something. Trust me, it’ll be a better use of your time..