Every Fraternity Needs An Ice Rink

ItalianStallion7 years ago

Over the weekend, I decided to get into the holiday spirit by watching two of the greatest winter movies of all-time: Miracle and Blades of Glory.

As was watching these two cinematic masterpieces, I finally realized what has been missing from my life all these years. What was it that I so desperately needed? The love of a good girl I could finally settle down with? New motivation to not give up on my short but illustrious figure skating career? No, what I needed all along was just an ice skating rink to call my own.

In fact, every fraternity in America and Canada (they probably already do) should invest in a backyard rink. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Why should we shell out our hard earned dues for something that we could use for maybe two months max?” Fear not, my friends. I have the answers you’re looking for.

Make Money

Although I’m 100 percent pro fraternity sponsored ice skating rink, I can’t skate to save my life. The first time I ever attempted to ice skate I was on a family vacation in America’s neighbors to the north and it didn’t go as anticipated. Let’s just say the next time that many French Canadians laugh at me, it better be because I’m doing stand up in Montreal.

As I grew better with the blades, I began to realize ice skating’s expensive. To skate around the rink by my house for just an hour will set you back at least a cool $20.

Open your rink to the neighborhood and charge $5 a pop. The slush fund could always use a little extra coin, and if you procrastinated on the whole “philanthropy” thing, just hold an event where all the money goes to charity.

For The Chicks

Ice skating rinks are literally chick magnets. Girls love ice skating more than they love elevated surfaces, Starbucks, and jumping to conclusions. Don’t believe me, look at any girl’s Instagram during winter. If you build it, they will come.

Host a mixer on the ice rink, throw up a fake Christmas tree, and have your self your own bootleg version of Rockefeller Center. It will make the best backdrop for the perfect night. Your date will remember the night for a dope Instagram setting and not the disappointing 45 seconds of sex after.

Ice Hockey Battle For Fraternity Supremacy

Fraternities are always in pissing contests with one another. Finally, decide whose top middle tier the way God intended: ice hockey. Challenge all the chapters at your school to a Stanley Cup style ice hockey tournament for fraternity supremacy and invite every sorority to watch from the stands. If you can’t win the game, settle some scores on the ice with your fists. Where it might get you suspended from the university elsewhere, fighting in the rink will only set you back 5 minutes in the penalty box..