NFL Wild Card Weekend Bets That’ll Get You Paid Like Jon Gruden

Mookie Bets7 years ago

What’s cracking, Mooks? The NFL regular season is over, and I ended 53-31-2 against the spread. DAMN. There were as many ups, downs, and curves as there are on Nicki Minaj’s luscious body, so it was for sure a bumpy ride. If you stuck along for said ride, though, you made some cash, so hopefully you did. If not, rot.

Anyway, playoff football is among us, and I’m happier than Jon Gruden after he stole $100 million from the Raiders. Gruden hasn’t coached in 10 years, has a career record not too far above .500, and says dumb shit on ESPN whenever he is on air, but still managed to swindle a HUGE contract out of Oakland. And if Gruden can cash in like that? So can we. Let’s get down to the picks.

All lines via MyBookie.ag. Hit them up for all your gambling needs.

Titans vs. Chiefs – Titans +9

Don’t get me wrong: I hate the Titans. But I feel like this is where Marcus Mariota makes a statement like Ricky Fowler wearing casual attire at the Tournament of Champions.

The dude fucks. Anyway, this is going to be a tight game, so hop on the Titans spread and root for Mariota.

Bills vs. Jaguars – Bills +9

I’m not even a Bills Mafia guy and I was still hype as fuck when they snuck into the playoffs. So was the Mafia, obviously, which is why they donated a ton of money to Andy Dalton’s charity and sent Cincy a boatload of wings as a “thank you” after the Bengals beat the Ravens and got them in.

Damn, that’s gratitude. Even with LeSean McCoy banged up, I like the Bills to keep this one close. The Bills have an elite defense, and I guarantee Blake Bortles will turn the ball over a couple times. Time to join Bills Mafia.

P.S. If you’re feeling lucky, sprinkle a little dough on Bills ML. They have a shot.

Falcons vs. Rams – Rams -5

Wild Card Weekend is where the pretenders are outed like a cheating husband who’s been banging the maid for the past two years but got sloppy and is now living in a Comfort Inn because he was booted from his own house. I’m all in on the Rams -5 because the Falcons are the cheating husband. Fuck Matt Ryan, and ride the Rams.

Panthers vs. Saints – Saints -6.5

Another pretender –Cam Newton — will be outed this week by his angry wife, Drew Brees. Brees is going to boot Cam from the Superdome this weekend by double digits and keep the house, car, and private jet. The Saints will get it done with ease this week, so send some money on their spread.

Futures To Consider:

Rams +900 To Win It All – I’m feeling a special run from the Rams this year. Jared Goff and Todd Gurley are having phenomenal seasons, and their defense is on point. It’s a long shot for them to get to Minnesota, but if they do you’re in nice hedge position to make some money.

Steelers +500 To Win It All – Big Ben is hankering for revenge, so I could see the Steelers making a deep run. Sprinkle some cash on them to take the Lombardi back to Steel City.

That’s all she wrote. Let’s make some money for absolutely no reason like Jon Gruden this weekend. As always, hit me up on Twitter @ConesDeal to discuss and keep up with my other bets. Cheers, mates..

Image via MacDill Air Force Base