Virginia’s Plan To Make You Pay For Porn Is The Most Un-American Thing Since 1776

Socrates Johnson8 years ago

When I see the term “millennial,” the advanced cultural expert in me is dubious, to say the least, of the broadness in which the term is typically applied. Slapping a generational tag on folks born from the mid-80s to the early 2000s is missing a whole lot of the nuance and progress that happened in between. So, instead of lumping 30 years worth of vastly different demographics into one giant group, I like to separate millennials into two, more well-defined categories: those who had to struggle to find free porn and those who didn’t.

If you had to get your porn fix from tapes left in the woods or from scrambled cable channels, then you grew up during dark, famine-ridden times. If the peak of your porn viewing has consisted of freely and easily wading through a veritable pornucopia filled with Milfs and Gilfs and Chicks Who Are Somehow Considered Milfs But Are Actually Just Old-Looking 30-year-olds, then you grew up during a time of plenty.

As someone who falls into the second group, it especially pains to say that, just like our forefathers, we too may soon have to scrounge around in the muck and the mire to get our free fix. And it’s all thanks to the prudish powers that be in Virginia, who are trying to take our God-given right to Pornhub freely away from us via a proposed bill that would force honest, red-blooded Americans to pay for porn.

From WFAA:

There is a new bill being proposed in the General Assembly that would lock all pornographic sites from your phones and computers, and the only way to unlock them is to pay the state $20.

Virginia House Bill 1592 is also known as “The Human Trafficking Prevention Act.”

Lawmakers who proposed the bill said that by making pornography less accessible on the internet, it will reduce the amount of human trafficking.

Terrie Foss of Virginia agrees with the bill.

“If people want to view pornography, that’s their prerogative. But by having it free, it makes it too tempting for other people on the web to have access that can be influenced in a negative way,” said Foss.

I’m sorry, I fail to see how free porn is going to directly lead to more trafficking. “But by having it free, it makes it too tempting for other people on the web to have access that can be influenced in a negative way?” What the fuck are you talking about, Terrie? You’re speaking nonsense words. Frankly, this is a preposterous and outrageous line of thinking, and one that I can’t see holding up on the legislative floor.

That being said, if anyone who was there with me when we stole This Ain’t Avatar XXX from the porn section of Family Video in 2010 is reading this and happens to have that on them, please send it to me immediately. I may need it soon. .

[via WFAA]

Image via Pixabay