Cocaine And Heroin Allowed At World Cup With Proper “Medical” Paperwork
8 years ago

The World Cup looks like a party I want to be a part of. I get some rave vibes mixed with Mardi Gras, and a little post-Super Bowl riot sprinkled in to make for one hell of time. This year, Russia went the extra mile to make sure the World Cup is like no other.

From The Moscow Times:

Football fans will reportedly be allowed to bring cocaine and marijuana to the 2018 FIFA World Cup as long as they go through the bureaucratic hoops necessary to secure papers.

The Russia-led Eurasian Economic Union grants travelers the right to bring banned substances into the country with supporting medical documents written in the Russian language. According to the regulations, the list of drugs allowed into the Russian-led bloc includes cocaine, cannabis, and heroin.

Ah yes, good old medical cocaine. Because nothing says suspicious like a handwritten medical note for heroin written in Russian. Love this wild west mentality. How does one go about getting a prescription for booger sugar?

“Okay, you have the flu. I’m going to prescribe you cocaine?”

“Um, what?”

“Yes, do three to four lines of blow a day until symptoms disappear.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Don’t worry. That’ll clear the sinuses right up.”

“Are you sure?”

“If that doesn’t work I’ll put you on a medical dosage of heroin instead.”

“Where the actual fuck did you even get a medical degree?”

I can imagine soccer being much more enjoyable while I’m melting into my seat chasing the dragon. Could get much dicier for a few countrymen whose nation goes down a few goals in an elimination game, though.

[via Moscow Times]

Image via Shutterstock

    1. MightBePike

      They both had nice handfuls considering how tight the rest of their bodies were.

      8 years ago at 12:36 pm
      2. MightBePike

        I only talk to the real Rad-ginator. We are close enough that we roast each other but it’s all in good fun.

        8 years ago at 1:50 pm
      3. thevaginator

        If by roast you mean me verbally assaulting you until you have to run back to your mom’s basement because you’re too much of a pussy to say anything to my face then sure kid.

        8 years ago at 2:55 pm
      1. thevaginator

        It’s absolutely pathetic that you losers brag about not being able to satisfy a girl in bed. No wonder you all never get laid.

        8 years ago at 2:00 pm
      2. MightBePike

        Nah mate they call me Pituitary because I can make a whore moan, but being of particular quality and fitting many of my personal preferences, I anticipate that I would not be able to satisfy a girl I was thusly excited to penetrate. Indeed it would take considerable post-cream techniques to finish the job but ultimately she would end up wishing that I had lasted longer.

        Your suggestion that inability to please a woman implies inability to convince a woman to bang is illogical. If I couldn’t bag a broad how would anyone know whether I was good at sex or not?

        Or are you conceding that I most likely (and indeed HAVE!) had sex?

        8 years ago at 12:19 pm
      3. SigmaNugs311

        Honestly, all that did was confuse him. You have to dumb yourself down and speak like a child would. Make sure to curse a lot and say the same shit over and over with little to no imagination. Then maybe, just maybe he’ll understand what you’re trying to convey to him.

        8 years ago at 2:30 pm
      4. thevaginator

        You go to Georgia State kid a fucking dog could get in there. Dumb fuck.

        8 years ago at 3:05 pm
      5. thevaginator

        You’re bragging that, if given the chance, you would disappoint her in bed. The fact that you have never had sex before is irrelevant because the situation is hypothetical. If you did get the chance to disappoint her, then yes, it would be. However, considering you are a massive loser, that won’t happen. Hate to break it to ya small fry but you’re just not that smart.

        8 years ago at 3:04 pm
      6. MightBePike

        Ok I see the confusion. What I meant was “Yes I would love to have sexual relations with this girl! I find her very attractive! Even though she will probably not have a good time, I would STILL do it for my own pleasure.”

        I’m not bragging about the quality of my performance, or lackthereof, but rather sharing my appreciation of this girl’s appearance and seeking validation for my enthusiastic opinion.

        Simple mistake.

        8 years ago at 5:37 pm