Is Staring At Tits The Secret To Living Forever?

ItalianStallion7 years ago

Yeah, I guess I’m kind of a health nut. Not in the sense that I go to the gym every day or try to eat healthily, but in the sense that whenever some weird health thing comes out, I’m willing to try it. I’m always on the hunt for some weird health hack that will help me live longer. For example, ever since I wrote an article that alcohol helps you live longer, I’ve been shotgunning tallboys of Natty Ice every day for health reasons. So far, so good. Take that, gym rats!

Now, I have a new trend to try — the New York Post recently covered an almost certainly too-good-to-be-true health trend with their article explaining how staring at boobs helps increase a man’s lifespan.

From The New York Post:

It may seem like an inconvenience or an invasion of privacy to many women, but staring at boobs creates a positive mindset in men.

The same effect occurs when they look at cute animals.

A 2012 study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, looked at the effects positive thinking had on men’s health.

After a year, positive thinking had a powerful effect on health choices.

Some may call the New York Post “fake news,” but let’s hear them out. After all, staring at boobs sounds like a more fun way of being healthy than going vegan.

Apparently the “positive mindset” boobs give men who stare at them makes these men more likely to increase their physical activity and care about their health than men who aren’t in a positive mindset.

More than half of the patients with coronary artery disease increased their physical activity versus 37 percent in the control group, who were not asked to write down positive thoughts in the morning.

The same happened to men with high blood pressure.

More than 40 percent of those with high blood pressure followed their medication plan compared to 36 percent in the non-positive-thinking group.

So according to the New York Post, staring at boobs leads to positive thoughts, which lead to us caring more about ourselves. Some very speculative leaps made by them here with this argument, but hey — I’ll take whatever convincing I can get, however loosely thrown together an argument it may be.

This is all good news, because now I’m gonna eat all the cholesterol and artery-blocking bacon and greasy food I want; as long as I balance it out with a healthy dose of tit pics, I’ll (maybe, but more than likely not) be good.

Boobs — they’re what the doctor ordered..

[via The New York Post]

Image via Shutterstock