A Bear Decided To Post Up By My House And It’s Ruining My Day
7 years ago

I live in the city for a reason. My survival skills are comparable to that of Michael Scott. Give me 24 hours in the wilderness and I will either A) die, or B) get myself into some horrible mishap. I just ain’t bout that life. So tell me what I’m supposed to do when there’s a GODDAMN BEAR roaming the streets of my city?

Spoiler alert: I very much live on the Westside. This is totally by my house.

I only add this to explain that I live less than a block from the zoo, but I’ve always been able to rationalize that there is NO WAY that one of their animals could ever get out. They got all the killers, too. Lions, tigers, you name it. But if this fucker isn’t from the zoo, then WHERE IS HE FROM?

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Yeah let’s just let it chill. Very sound plan. That can’t go wrong.

Wait, so the bear is NOT chillin’? You’re telling me that a bear who somehow stumbled their way out of God knows where into the city tends to move a lot? No way!

Uh oh. We might have a real Harambe situation on our hands here.

Tranquilize his/her ass!

Great! Now I will know what to look out for incase they ever get bored and decide to hop out that tree.

Take your time. It’s not like there’s a bear in the neighborhood or anything.

No way that could happen, right?

That happened.

Can you imagine being called away from a fire to get a bear out of a tree? Like buddy, this is NOT in my job description.

This is getting exciting!

Success! Now trap that mofo before he wakes up!

GET THE BEAR IN A CAGE, PLEASE.

Finally. Now I can go get some lunch. That was a couple hours of inconvenience that I did not appreciate. But still, one question remains: Where did this bear come from? Can a bear just stroll into the neighborhood at any moment in time? I don’t live near any bear sanctuaries or anything.

Have they just casually been roaming among us this whole time or did this one just wander a reallyyy long way? Whatever the reason, I’d like to hear it. Until then, I’m staying inside.

Image via Twitter

  2. SharkWeekTFM

    No need to advertise what a scaredy-cat you are. It’s not at your house. It’s not trying to break in. You were in no more danger in this case than you would be if you insulted one of the trolls on this site. Might SEEM like something scary but actually isn’t.

    7 years ago at 8:33 pm