Should I Smoke More Weed Just Because It’s Legal In My State?

Buzzy Robinson7 years ago

Weed is tight. I would never dare refute that. That being said, it’s not really my thing. The only time you’ll catch me smoking weed is around 3 a.m. on a Friday night when my ability to say ‘no’ to just about anything has all but abandoned me. You call it peer pressure; I call it being open minded.

I am laid back to a fault, without pharmaceutical assistance. So, whenever I do smoke weed, I turn into what Bill Hader’s character in Pineapple Express describes as “a slice of butter, melting over a big ol’ pile of flapjacks.” In other words, I become a completely useless vegetable of a human being.

Nobody needs to be that relaxed. I might be one of the few people on earth for whom that old anti-pot PSA on TV, the one where the kid literally melts into the couch while being chastised by his talking dog, is an accurate representation of the effects of marijuana. THC tends to hit the kill switch on your boy’s neurological functions. That’s why I prefer liquor. Booze just destroys all of my weak brain cells and leaves me the strong ones. It’s simple Darwinism.

I like to get hyped. I thrive on energy. This is why I prefer to partake in substances that gas me up, and unfortunately the gas itself just isn’t one of them.

My relative indifference towards marijuana is only important because of the fact that my home state, Massachusetts, recently decided to legalized it. That’s right, weed is fully decriminalized in the Bay State. Our Puritan ancestors burned witches, and now we’re burning funny grass. Oh, how times have changed.

This is huge if you’re a weed guy. It’s probably less than ideal if you’re a weed dealer. And it’s pretty much a non-factor for people like me who only hit that kill when it’s emphatically forced upon them.

This brings up another issue — being that, although I am from New England, I attend school in the Keystone State (awesome name) otherwise known as Pennsylvania, where marijuana is still incredibly ILLEGAL.

My college is located in a region of southern PA colloquially referred to as Pennsyltucky. As this mildly offensive euphemism might suggest, it is not a place where you want to be caught puffing on jazz cigarettes.

Police in this neck of the woods view pot the way that I imagine cops in New York view crack. They do not fuck around when it comes to teenagers and their gravity bongs. You will go to jail, son.

People from PA have to jump through such dicey hoops on a daily basis just to procure and consume marijuana that the very thought of it being legalized seems utopian and outlandish to them.

I can only imagine what a pothead from West Virginia thinks when he hears me talking about living in a state with legal weed and NOT smoking it. It would be like if I found a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory on the ground and said, “No thanks, I’m actually doing this ketogenic diet right now” and just tossed it in the trash. I would want to punch myself in the face.

So, the question becomes, should I start smoking more weed purely out of sympathy for those who can’t? Just because I happen to live in one of the few states where weed is easier to come by than tobacco, does that mean that I should start burning/inhaling it on a more regular basis?

I do have an appreciation for my fortunate situation. I just feel like it’s kind of a ridiculous line of reasoning for people to ask me, “Dude, why aren’t you constantly stoned? It’s not frowned upon where you live…”

I don’t know, it’s probably for the same reason that I don’t drink paint thinner. It’s perfectly legal. It’s just not something that I’m into.

There’s a scene in season 14, episode 7 of South Park where Towelie buys a bunch of computer duster at Staples and gets super high huffing it in the parking lot behind the store. When a guy walks past Towelie’s car and sees him huffing computer duster, Towelie yells, “Fuck you it’s not illegal!”

This is what I picture every time somebody chirps me for not smoking weed all day just because it’s not illegal in my state. If you want legal weed so badly, just move here, dude. Otherwise chill out and let me do me..

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