The Houston Rockets Lost And It’s Apparently All Ted Cruz’s Fault
In a move that everyone saw coming, the NBA Finals are going to be played between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors for the fourth goddamn time in a row. At this point, I’d seriously rather watch professional wrestling; it’s less predictable and less pre-determined.
To get to the NBA Finals, the Warriors had to defeat the Houston Rockets — the team owned by the man with the greatest name in sports — in game seven of the Western Conference Finals. Did I watch the game? Nope, I was watching game one of the Stanley Cup Finals, which was a much better use of my time.
Who did watch game seven of the WCF courtside, though? America’s sweetheart, Ted Cruz.
You know how we all have that youth sports coach that’s somebody’s dad? The one that’s a total out-of-shape goober? Ted Cruz fits that bill perfectly. Just look at him wear that oversized free Houston Rockets T-shirt. It looks like Kevin from The Office is running a YMCA rec team.
After Houston lost the game, people were quick to blame Cruz for the fact that the Rockets missed who knows how many field goals.
Now I’m not saying the loss was or wasn’t Ted Cruz’s fault the same way I’m not saying whether Ted Cruz is or isn’t the Zodiac Killer. All I’m saying is if we want to stop this whole “Golden State’s gonna win again” thing, why not at least try sticking Ted Cruz courtside in Oakland with a KD jersey on?.
h/t Yahoo! Sports
[via Twitter/@TedCruz]
Image via Twitter/@TedCruz