A Message for Our Newest Brothers
13 years ago

You fucking did it. For the past 10-16 weeks you’ve accepted every challenge, put up with the heaping hordes of bullshit, and stayed strong with your pledge class. When the times got tough, you pledges came together through the adversity, and became the exact kind of lifelong brothers we try to breed.

I truly find myself feeling proud of every pledge class that has completed their tasks across the country. I can only hope that you all got the full force of the messages and lessons we tried to convey. As I’m sure you’ve been told countless times, the pledge process is in place to build brotherhood, and the more time you put in the more exponential your rewards will be. Now, you might expect me to apologize for the way some of you were treated this semester. Not a fucking chance. Every single time one of you was torn a new asshole, you deserved it. I saw some of you come in with the cockiest attitudes and frankly you needed to be put in line. If it wasn’t for us, you would still be an arrogant little freshman prick running around acting like you run the place. We fixed you. You’re welcome.

So where do we go from here? Wherever the fuck you want, my new brothers. The next 3 ½-7 years will be some of the most enlightening and eventful of your life. And if you thought the fraternity was fun your first semester, it only gets better with each passing day. My advice is to capture every moment, and make sure you always make it your priority to have as much fun as possible. You only get to do this once, and now that the shitty part is over you should definitely capitalize.

We always told you that the harder it gets, the closer you are to being done. Obviously we knew what the fuck we were talking about. That last stretch might have been a bitch, but think back to that moment right as you realized This is it. I’m done. I am a brother. Yes you are my friend, and we couldn’t be more damn proud.

    1. The_Chilis_Guy

      The intern apparently doesn’t find crude racism funny. Whateva Imma grab his hoe and some fried chicken! WAKA

      13 years ago at 5:24 pm
    4. better_than_you

      ^ Go to Tuscaloosa chili’s guy, apparently they’re giving them out faster than acceptance letters…

      13 years ago at 11:44 am
  8. superfratual

    “When the times got tough, you pledges came together through the adversity.”
    What the hell’s adversity?

    13 years ago at 5:23 pm
    1. fratanomics

      I believe adversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

      13 years ago at 5:28 pm
    6. fratanomics

      That whoosing sound is everything in the world going straight over “A Sig I Am’s” head

      13 years ago at 8:36 pm
    7. BeingTheFAFiest

      I believe diversity is an old, old wooden vagina which worked 60% of the time all the time. Baxter!

      Yeah Weatherman is my favorite movie, I memorized all the lines.

      13 years ago at 12:36 am
    8. AlfredMarshall

      ^ Oh yeah, weatherman? That is the name of the movie you’re alluding to via quotations?

      13 years ago at 2:47 am
  10. FratopianWetDream

    I won’t deny it. I find myself on this website quite a lot. And many of you are going to be opposed to what I’m about to say, but bear through. I have a point. I think these columns all have good points, but I’m very sure that 3/4 of you are GDI’s. I’m not saying none of it’s true, but I think that everyone on here seems to over exaggerate. It kind of makes frats look bad and may even prevent people from pledging if you act like a major dick and say things about your PT’s that sound repulsive. If your PT really is making pledges chug half a handle and then swim blindfolded at 3:00 A.M, something’s not right. For some pledges, that’s attempted murder, not tradition. Shit like that is how you get lawsuits all over your ass. All I’m trying to explain is that it makes Greek life look 10x worse than it really is, and believe me – I’m all for Greek life. I’m a Delta active. Now, you all may think I’m some GDI or some pledge now that you read this, but I do think it’s something to think about.

    13 years ago at 5:35 pm
    3. fratstarpa

      Stopped reading after you said “frats”.

      I’m not in a “frat”. “Frats” do look bad, they are bad.

      Fraternities are for true men.

      13 years ago at 5:45 pm
    4. Dillon Cheverere

      “I think these columns all have good points, but I’m very sure that 3/4 of you are GDI’s.”

      False.

      13 years ago at 5:46 pm
    8. Dustin Fratson

      Honestly you are all just proving yourselves to be GDI’s by your responses to this. There is a fine line between pledging that builds brotherhood, and pledging that is only for the enjoyment of the actives. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for hazing, but he makes a great point. Don’t lose sight of what Greek life is really all about.

      13 years ago at 7:28 pm
    10. Fratboyant

      It’s not my fault our pledgeship is harder than yours, also, it’s not my fault we pull more bitches. Better luck next time

      13 years ago at 8:04 pm
    11. Danger Zone

      This is clearly a satirical website as to what the liberal media tries to portray us as and we are fucking them by embracing it, so calm your shit. I hope this makes sense, I am so hammered. Thank God for spell check.

      13 years ago at 8:08 pm
    12. FratopianWetDream

      ^Exactly, DangerZone. I wish more people would admit to that, because it does make Greek life look barbaric when people claim that their PT really did make them chug half of a handle and then swim blindfolded in a lake at 3:00 AM. Yes, I read that in a comment on here yesterday. Like I said – I have no problem with hazing, but I think it crosses the line when you claim to be forcing your pledges to take part in potentially deadly activities.

      13 years ago at 8:19 pm
    16. DD Law

      Somebody didn’t get hazed enough. Concurrently, your logic is flawed. If this site is so detrimental to Greeks, why are so many GDI’s (3/4 of us according to your studies you made up) getting on and trying to one up the real fraternity men?

      13 years ago at 9:37 pm
    17. FratOnBro

      This whole site is based around the word “frat.” You have a point that we’re in fraternities, but you can’t validate that on a site named Total FRAT Move. And your name is fratstarpa, so I kinda don’t see what you did there at all.

      13 years ago at 10:14 pm
    19. FratopianWetDream

      ^Well, because this forum is no different than any other. For all I know, you all could be sophomores in high school who just busted your first nut. My pledgeship wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t, like I said, the horrific shit you all post about. You can talk about how badass you are all that you want, but even if you are in a fraternity, I guarantee you never had to do the shit you post about. This website is highly satirical and feeds the “pissed off drunk redneck frat-boy” stereotype.

      13 years ago at 10:18 pm
    20. FratopianWetDream

      Actually, I’m starting to feel more convinced that the people on here who don’t act like posers are the real actives.

      13 years ago at 10:21 pm
    21. booze haze slam

      goddamn wet dream you tried to piss them off but you even suck at that. frats? haha ya fucking hipsta! man

      13 years ago at 10:26 pm
    22. FratopianWetDream

      With a name like “booze haze slam” I’m getting the feeling you, as well, must take a lap. NF

      13 years ago at 10:32 pm
    23. Teddy__Brosevelt

      Ok, clearly if you haven’t gotten it by this point, you probably won’t, but let me put it simply:

      FratopianWetDream, quit being such a pussy, it’s a fucking website. Get over yourself. If the kind of guys that pledge your “frat” (pissed me off, by the way) are the kind that would be deterred by reading posts on an absolute online shitshow, then I think you’ve got bigger problems.

      To reiterate, quit being such a pussy.

      13 years ago at 4:45 am
    24. better_than_you

      You’re the reason all the pledges are shiity, wet dream. Grow a sack. Fuck.

      13 years ago at 11:50 am
    26. FratopianWetDream

      OK. Well, I’m not going to argue anymore, but I guarantee that none of you on here have ever had to chug half a handle and swim at 3:00 AM or lick a toilet seat clean as a pledge.

      13 years ago at 3:36 pm