How Fraternity/Sorority Date Functions Differ

jakewgoldman13 years ago

One of the most entertaining collegiate events to attend is a date function. From concerts to drunk go-karts, there is always something to enjoy about splitting a bottle of booze with a date and getting rip-roaring drunk. Plan on having a good time if you are invited, but keep in mind there is one particular factor that will determine just how much fun will be had on this function: whether it is hosted by a fraternity or sorority. Think about the number of things that can go right or wrong when 200 people are equally drunk at one event. Where fraternities embrace this sort of debauchery, sororities tend to curb the carnage. However, there are certainly pros and cons to both sides. The following is a comparison of how different situations are handled depending on the host in question.

Scenario: The bar tab just ran out.

Sorority Response- “Uhhh…what bar tab?” Sorry guys, chances are there probably won’t be any bar tab at a sorority date function, which blows my fucking mind every time I go to a grab-a-date that has a bar venue.

Fraternity Response: “You’re shitting me, are you sure the bar didn’t run out?” If there is one thing that sororities and fraternities differ on the most, the importance of alcohol at an event may be it. Where sororities may not have a bar tab at all, fraternities will be more likely to just go ahead and make sure the whiskey doesn’t stop flowing. But if the bar tab isn’t unlimited one thing is certain, the treasurer’s alcohol tolerance is NOT unlimited either. Bitch at the guy enough when the bar tab runs out and the guy will throw money at the problem like Pacman Jones at Magic City strippers.

Scenario: You and your date have no idea when the buses leave.

Sorority Response: More than likely your date will ask one of the girls you are pre-gaming with and she will know. The president and social chair have been hammering the itinerary into these girls’ minds for the past week and sent out five listserv emails just in case one sister might not have heard the departure times being announced via megaphone at chapter. Sorority girls are organized as hell, and one will know when you need to drop the bottle and head to the bus.

Fraternity Response: Asking a brother about a schedule mid-pregame might as well be equivalent to asking a toddler about quantum physics. They don’t have the faintest idea and they are going to assume someone in charge has all the answers. Call the president? Good idea, except he just dropped his phone in his beer. The social chair will know right? Well…actually…he already passed out. Something about social chairs and blacking out just seems to go hand in hand, so your best bet is to assume no one knows and pray that you catch the late bus…if there is one.

Scenario: You and your date decided to make “private” public.

Sorority Response: Have you ever noticed that every time the girl you are dancing with at a social decided to get really into dancing, she may have suddenly stopped for no reason. It’s the same story told a thousand times. “Bro, one minute she was riding me like a horse and the next she was as prude as a nun.” It is the direct work of the sorority’s standards chair, and she is the worst thing that could happen to you. For whatever reason, some girl decided that she should be completely sober at every possible event just so no one else could have too much fun either. So soak it up when your date decided to put her hands on the floor, next time she is grind-dancing real dirty, it won’t last long.

Fraternity Response: Look down and notice your date is slipping her hand down your pants. Sick. Look around. Damn, is McCoy getting head in the corner?!

Scenario: Your date decided to throw up on the bus ride home.

Sorority Response: You and your date were just fined 200 dollars. Vomit is NS, and since they can’t take your left hand for the act, the exec will ALWAYS fine you whatever arbitrary amount they come up with for the offense. 400 dollars for some bus driver to throw some sawdust on a puddle of puke? Give me a break.

Fraternity Response: “PLEEEEEEDGE!!!!!!!” Problem immediately solved. Where did the pledges get saw dust?

So we clearly have a common theme here, folks. If you want a smoothly run, puke and foreplay free date function experience, go on a Sorority sponsored event. If you want to possibly miss the event all together but still manage to rage face, dry fuck on the dance floor, and never run out of free alcohol, attend one of your own Fraternity functions. Unless you are a giant pussy, I think you know which one is the glaringly obvious first choice.