Goldman Sachs Elevator: Best of March
An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators. Since then, the account has evolved to include things overheard on trading floors, bullpens, lobbies and bars. Some of the conversations involve more than one person, and the participants are distinguishable by their number (#1, #2, #3). Here are some of my favorites from March…
#1: Call me an optimist, but I manscape every Thursday.
#1: The lottery is just a way of taxing poor people who don’t know math.
#1: I have a date with destiny, and I’m bringing ruffies.
Suit#1 (on cell phone): Yes… Yes… I know… Yes… Ok, you too… Bye. [Hangs up]. Jesus Christ, I hope my next wife doesn’t do this.
#1: If life’s a game, money is how you keep score.
#1: Solar power has been the next big thing for forty years.
#1: I’m pretty sure I’ve been scammed before. I’m just too rich to notice.
#1: Poor people are like endangered manatees, too ugly for me to care about.
#1: Magazines dedicate entire issues to ‘Women in Business.’ #2: How much can you write about secretaries? #2 (to Skirt#1): Kidding.
#1: It turns out God’s plan for Tim Tebow is selling used cars.
#1: The next President will have to eat on paper plates once Michelle Obama gets done looting.
#1: I never recycle. But that’s just because I don’t give a shit.
#1: I haven’t split a restaurant bill since prep school.
#1: I love it when someone starts a sentence with ‘When I was at Goldman Sachs’… Well, you aren’t at Goldman Sachs now, cocksucker.
#1: You know TV reporters are full of shit when they transition from NBA to WNBA highlights without losing enthusiasm.
#1: I’m so hungover, I’m not even horny.
#1: I’ve never lost at anything. Except for drinking games, but that was on purpose.
#1: Flying squirrels must get all the squirrel pussy. Think about that, hotshot.
#1: If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
#1: Each comma in your bank account adds an inch to your dick.
For more entertaining banter follow @GSElevator on twitter.
First
13 years ago at 10:52 pmFirst is the worst
13 years ago at 10:59 pmSecond is the best.
13 years ago at 1:29 amThird is the one with the hairy chest?
13 years ago at 7:23 am^hairy chest. FaF
13 years ago at 7:35 amThe one about Michelle Obama looting is easily the best one.
13 years ago at 11:00 pmIndeed
13 years ago at 9:11 am“My only inter-racial experience was with a black sock. Once.”
13 years ago at 11:09 pmGood job Blackball, you have learned to copy and paste. You fucking retard.
13 years ago at 11:16 pmtry harder
13 years ago at 12:17 pm“I’m so hungover, I’m not even horny.”
been there
13 years ago at 11:17 pm^ Really? Have you been there?
13 years ago at 12:25 amMissed the reply button, lace em up fucker
13 years ago at 7:58 amBlowjobs ease, if not cure hangovers. Fact.
13 years ago at 1:46 amWouldn’t know, I haven’t talked to a woman sober in over 3 years.
13 years ago at 6:39 am^ Please, Marcus, try harder.
13 years ago at 8:30 am^ In all fairness, he could have avoided talking to women sober too, so he’s not necessarily a try-hard. He could just be a spaz with no social skills.
13 years ago at 11:20 am^ & ^^ You are both quer, especially you Fratfrican. Please watch “The Frattiest Man In The World”, take a moment to reflect on the nature of sarcastic and satiric comedy, then take laps till your feet fall off.
13 years ago at 1:13 pm^ Sarcasm seems to be something escapes you as well.
13 years ago at 2:30 pmSince when did people start taking this site way too seriously?
13 years ago at 7:58 pm^ What day was TFM founded?
13 years ago at 9:58 amLast one is the best.
13 years ago at 7:13 amFirst week in corn options on the floor at the CBOT… Back month expiration options broker yells this out one minute before the open, “DON’T BE A DUMMY, CUM ON HER TUMMY.”
13 years ago at 11:11 amWel all totally believe you about your job. Fucking loser.
13 years ago at 12:52 pmYou want my badge and clearing house jerk off?
13 years ago at 11:58 pmAccording to this, I have a huge penis.
13 years ago at 1:46 pmThese pigs aren’t even funny. These guys are just assholes. I’m all for being fratty but this is pretty sad.
13 years ago at 5:21 pmIt’s funny when it’s not serious. Luckily the twitter account belongs to someone who most certainly does not work at GS.
13 years ago at 6:50 pmThese are hilarious but not “overheard at Goldman Sachs”. They are all made up. Anyone can email submissions in.
And to the CME group guy, I remember my first internship. Shut the fuck up.
13 years ago at 8:12 am