The Top 50 TFMs of Year 2

TFM Staff13 years ago

TFM turns 2 years old today. Here are the top 50 TFMs from year 2 as chosen by the readers:

1. German guy at the bar challenged me, asking how many World Cups we’ve won. I responded, “How many World Wars have you won?” TFM.

2. Camo, America’s away colors. TFM.

3. “Shaggy, Scooby, Velma, go down and check the basement. Daphne and I’ll go upstairs to check the bedrooms.” Freddy, you magnificent bastard. TFM.

4. Florida requiring welfare recipients to pass a drug test. TFM.

5. Buried my father in a tie with crest, his pledge pin, his president’s pin, and his Grand Chapter President’s pin with his entire pledge class in attendance. TFM.

6. I am a pledge. For every “nice move” I get paddled. Thank you pledge master, Sir. TPM.

7. If Obama really wanted to stimulate the economy, the drinking age would be 18. TFM.

8. Firing ten illumination rounds from our howitzers out here in Afghanistan in memory of the ones we lost ten years ago. Showing these motherfuckers that “we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.” TFM.

9. Losing a pledge on bid night. Like actually losing him. Seriously, he’s still missing. TFM.

10. The NFL players wearing 9/11 commemorative gear despite league rules and taking the fine. TFM.

11. I watched my blacked out pledge brother change the TV channel at a sorority house to Food Network, then shatter the remote against the wall. TFM.

12. “United States” being listed first on an alphabetical list of countries. TFM.

13. Passing up a 100k starting salary from an alum to serve my country first. TFM.

14. I’m on Christmas break. Not winter break. TFM.

15. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a veteran. TFM.

16. Here’s to expensive whiskey, cheap beer, new slams, high dividends, and Obama not being president. Happy New Year. TFM.

17. Slampiece wanted to be Facebook official so I listed her as an Activity. TFM.

18. “On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?” TFM.

19. Protecting her like she’s America, and invading her like she’s Iraq. TFM.

20. Mom seeing my room and saying it needs more natural light. I agreed and re-stocked the minifridge. TFM.

21. Going out on top after building the world’s largest company. Steve Jobs. TFM.

22. John Hancock signing his name extra large so the King of England would know exactly who was telling him to go fuck himself. TFM.

23. Doing something you shouldn’t just because everyone is chanting your name. TFM.

24. Stayed after class to let my professor know I wouldn’t be turning my paper in that day. He told me I turned it in last week. These pledges are good. TFM.

25. “Are you free tomorrow?” Of course I am this is America. TFM.

26. Obama is coming to campus today. In bigger news, it’s sorority bid day. TFM.

27. “I’m not saying she’s a whore, but if her vagina had a password, it would be ‘password.'” TFM.

28. Got a handjob last night from a girl who does sign language. I’m counting it as a blowjob. TFM.

29. Calling shotgun while being escorted to a cop car. TFM.

30. I am respectful to the ladies who carry themselves like one. TFM.

31. I passed up a 6 figure salary for much less. A suit for a uniform. A company car for a fighter jet. TFM.

32. The other side of my bed doesn’t have a night stand to remind her that this bedroom has a one night stand policy. TFM.

33. That awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon. TFM.

34. The pledges are doing a bonding exercise in a dark room. 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle with nothing but a strobe light in the corner. TFM.

35. I guess I’m technically a GDI, but that’s only because they don’t have fraternities at West Point. TFM.

36. Rushing more kids than Kony. TFM.

37. Killing terrorists for ten years to make up for one sucker-punch. TFM.

38. Slampiece asked me to whisper dirty things in her ear. So I whispered “The kitchen, bathroom, and living room.” TFM.

39. For all you ladies out there who use Halloween as an excuse to dress slutty…carry on. TFM.

40. The business world combined “slampiece” and “pledge” and called it “secretary.” TFM.

41. Having a Nintendo 64 hooked up to the 70″ flat screen. TFM.

42. I’m not sexist. Being sexist is wrong, and being wrong is for women. TFM.

43. Told the geed in front of me, “Hey do you want to split the work? I’ll do 1-5 you do 6-10.” Told the geed behind me, “Hey do you want to split the work? I’ll do 6-10 you do 1-5.” TFM.

44. Rudolph was the only reindeer that was hazed and look how well he turned out. TFM.

45. Mom getting a phone call home from my little bother’s third grade teacher because he asked her is she was a democrat or an American. TFM.

46. I could lie and say I only drink top shelf but fuck I’ll drink anything. TFM.

47. If I ever have sex with a USA Womens Soccer player, I’ll show them how to finish. TFM.

48. Slamming like it’s the ’60s, getting high like the ’70s, dressing like the ’80s, making money like the ’90s and drinking like it’s the end of the world. TFM.

49. I might not be quite in the 1%, but instead of picketing I’m working my way into it. TFM.

50. Thanksgiving is an excellent reminder that no matter how hard I rage with my brothers at school, my grandfather can out drink the hell out of me. TFM.