Man Executed on Death Row Punishes His Jailers With Post-Death Diarrhea
12 years ago

I have a lot of wild theories. That’s what ADHD, alcoholism, and an active imagination will do to a guy. One of those theories is that if you see a ghost, you should take out your penis to ward it off. If a ghost is trying to frighten you, and if fear is the ultimate form of discomfort, then what better way to demonstrate that you’re comfortable and impervious to his attempts at scaring you than taking out your dick? Boom, flawless logic.

Another theory I have is that when a death row inmate eats a large, greasy, disgusting last meal it’s so that their post-death shit will be absolutely heinous. It’s basically one final “fuck you” to the people executing them. If that theory was in doubt at all before, this man who was just executed in Mississippi may have come the closest to confirming it without literally saying “I’m trying to get diarrhea.”

Here’s his meal via ABC News:

– 1 Pizza Hut Super Supreme pizza: tomato sauce, mushrooms, onions, jalapeño pepper slices and pepperoni
– 1 regular pizza: 3 cheeses, olives, bell peppers, tomato, garlic and Italian sausage
– 10 (8 oz) packs of Parmesan cheese
– 10 (8 oz) packs of Ranch dressing
– 1 (16 oz) family size bag of Doritos nacho cheese chips
– 8 oz of jalapeño nacho cheese
– 40 sliced jalapeño peppers
– 2 large strawberry milkshakes
– 2 (20 oz) Cherry Coke
– 1 super-sized order McDonald’s French fries (extra ketchup and mayonnaise)
– 2 pints strawberry ice cream

Look at that masterpiece. A supreme pizza, 80 ounces of ranch dressing, nacho cheese, and a seriously unhealthy amount of hot peppers. If that isn’t a recipe for human napalm then I don’t know what is.

Unfortunately for the inmate he was at a Mississippi correctional facility, so no one really noticed any out of the ordinary smells.