A Letter To The Republican Party

Dear GOP,

I love you, but you’ve got to get your shit together. Obama’s re-election should have served as a swift kick to the dick. You lost to Barry twice, because you failed to field a legitimate candidate that is alluring to both sides. You need to ditch the useless Randroids and find candidates with real substance. Obama came out of nowhere preaching “change” and people ate it up. It was a glitch in the matrix, and the Democrats capitalized on it…twice. If you want to know why you keep getting your ass kicked, all you have to do is look at Obama’s competition.

The first time around, you picked John McCain and Sarah Palin. John McCain is a veteran who spent time in a POW camp. He wasn’t very subtle about his warlike tendencies and his desire to haze the world with the American military. Alzheimer’s and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome don’t really go well together if you’re driving a car, let alone a nation.

I have nothing against McCain as a man, he’s an American hero and a total badass, but he was way too old. There was a real chance that he could have died in office. That wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing if the VP replacing him didn’t hold the Guinness World record for Stupidest Person on Earth. Secret Service would have had their hands full teaching Palin that “the square peg doesn’t fit in the round hole” and “Russia is pretty much my backyard” is not a good foreign policy.

To this day, I still cannot understand why Sarah Palin resonated with people. Maybe it’s because she’s really dumb and hot. Using those criteria to select a slam is acceptable, but not for the potential ruler of the free world.

Nominating Sarah Palin as the VP candidate single handedly guaranteed your failure in 2008. It’s almost like you wanted to lose…like it was deliberate. If you went to Hades and thawed out Karl Rove from his thousand-year slumber, he’d be fucking pissed. Sarah Palin was a very carefully crafted joke and the American people missed the punch line.

The second time around you picked Mitt Romney as a candidate, only because he bought the primaries with his billions. What a terrible decision. You found the richest corporate elitist that you could dig up and hoped that somehow average voters would relate to him. Sure, wealthy people will vote for Mitt, but an overwhelming majority of America is not wealthy. In Romney’s eyes if you’re not in the 1%, you’re poor and not worth his time. Nominating Mitt Romney was like putting a great white shark at the end of a slip n’ slide and saying “Have fun, kids!” Way to downplay class warfare, geniuses.

The problem is that you have forsaken truly conservative ideology. Romney ran on the platform of immediately repealing Obamacare, even though Romneycare is just as flamingly liberal. You’re a fake party, just like the Democrats that you’ve opposed for so long. They’ve infected you. You’re beginning to emulate them. You are both just watered down middle ground parties now. You’re both harbingers of big government and the rampant destruction of our civil liberties. Your subterfuge is failing. People are starting to see you for what you are.

There is a libertarian rift growing within the Republican Party. If you, as a party, cannot accommodate this, you run the risk of alienating conservative voters who are tired of waiting for you to grow up and emerge from the dark ages.

The problem is that people focus on superficial social issues like abortion, drugs, God, gays, and healthcare without realizing that both parties promote the same form of big government expansion. These issues shouldn’t even be the federal government’s concern. If you want to beat the democrats you have to revive true conservatism. You’ve got to stop the trend towards more government and socialism.

The only thing the government should be concerned with is providing for the common defense and honoring contracts between individuals. ALL OTHER POLICIES AND SERVICES should be handled by the states. Local state governments are more efficient at handling these kinds of issues anyways. That’s what real conservatism is, remember?

Upholding the constitution, defending civil liberties, and advocating states rights is a strategy that appeals to most intelligent people, regardless of party affiliation. If you let a third party that supports these ideals grow stronger, you’re going to keep losing votes until you wake up and embrace reality.

Many democrats are simply social policy democrats. They vote that way because they think a woman’s right to choose, or gay marriage, is more important than conservative economics. Many would vote republican, if only there was a candidate who embraced conservative economic policies while allowing a more open stance on social liberties.

That’s why Ron Paul gained so much popularity. He seemed to be saying what true conservatives secretly believe in their hearts. Keep the federal government as small as possible and leave all the other liberal social bullshit to the states. Both parties have lost sight of America’s original constitutional intention. It’s not time for more “change,” it’s time to get back to our roots.

  1. ^^^^^ alpha frat, I agree big government is the key to failure, but it ain’t the 1700’s anymore champ…with as much as the government has screwed up already, we can’t throw some tiny government candidate (Ron Paul) and expect him to win. We just need someone fiscally conservative who can help in chilling away at these filthy liberal policies in place.

    12 years ago at 12:29 am
  2. ObamaISaTerrorist

    Any Christian white American that would vote for a socialist-Muslim-Kenyan with the middle name of Hussein needs to be taken out back and whipped.

    12 years ago at 4:02 am
    1. Bro Switzer

      You epitomize everything that is wrong with the republican party today. Go masturbate with sandpaper you stupid sack of muleshit, and quit making all the intelligent republicans look bad.

      12 years ago at 12:59 pm
    2. ObamaISaTerrorist

      And everything I said was drunkenly half way true. Yes Obama is half Muslim/Kenyan and yes his middle name is Hussein. No I do not trust him. You’re whats wrong with America. Political Correctness is a big sack of shit. Whoever wrote this stupid article can refer to Romney as a “richest corporate elitist” that thinks if you’re not in the 1% “you’re poor and not worth his time.” That is completely false.If you look at Romeny’s financial records of the last 10-15 years you can see how many millions of dollars he has donated to various charities. Those statements are right off of an Obama campaign ad on MSNBC. This is horseshit and the election was as well.

      12 years ago at 2:44 pm
    3. Bone Padre

      ^ You’re missing the fucking point.

      That’s the PERCEPTION.

      What’s real doesn’t matter. In life, in politics…what matters is the fucking PERCEPTION.

      12 years ago at 2:58 pm
    4. ObamaISaTerrorist

      I agree and understand what you’re saying but my main point was that America re-elected Obama, proving my theory that at least 51% of American’s are complete morons. But hey what can I do about it? Nothing

      12 years ago at 3:03 pm
    5. ObamaISaTerrorist

      And I do think that if the Republican’s want to win in 2016 they are going to have to change a few things, to get votes back. F.uck it. I would rather still not support illegal immigrants having rights in my country, homosexuals getting married, Obamacare, or anything other socialist programs Barack is going to implement. If I wanted that I would move to San Francisco or some other horrible place. Everything that our founding fathers created and believed is being corrupted. The demise of western culture.

      12 years ago at 3:10 pm
    6. Bone Padre

      huh? How does a bunch of butt-peckering queers getting married impact you in the slightest? If those gays want to be miserable like the rest of us, let ’em.

      12 years ago at 3:28 pm
  3. LibertarianFrat

    Rand Paul is running in 2016 — we need to get behind him. That’s the only way

    12 years ago at 9:06 am
    1. Old Fratsputin

      He’s a lot softer than his dad. I love Ron Paul, but it seems like he didn’t teach his kid to not cave in to peer pressure. By that I mean the kind of peer pressure that doesn’t lead to lots of fun.

      12 years ago at 3:02 pm
  4. brostock

    RageTheory, you should watch Gamechanger. It’s about the decision to pick Palin in ’08. I’m not sure how accurate it is, but it’s quite entertaining, and I can see how the choice could have really played out the way it did in the movie.

    12 years ago at 10:38 am
  5. Define Statutory

    This article is fucking garbage. If you’re going to write a political article, at least get your facts straight. (It also helps when you read credible sources instead of taking talking points from SNL) First off, Sarah Palin never said anything about “seeing Russia from her backyard”… Tina Fey said that. You would know that if you took 10 seconds to lookup the interview on youtube. What she said was “you can see Russia from land here in Alaska”, which is true. I’m by no means a Palin fan, but at least get your shit straight.

    “Romney ran on the platform of immediately repealing Obamacare, even though Romneycare is just as flamingly liberal.” This statement is total horseshit too. Romneycare was 70 pages long as everyone fucking read it before passing it, Obamacare was over 2000 pages with some of it’s biggest proponents claiming “we’re going to have to pass the bill so you can find out what’s in it”. Romneycare did not raise taxes, it did not cut medicare, and it had bipartisan support.

    “if you’re not in the 1%, you’re not worth Mitt’s time” I guess that why he donated his entire inheritance from his father to charity. He also donated a larger percentage of his personal income than Obama and Biden COMBINED.

    There’s plenty more bullshit statements but I’d be typing all day to try to point them out and educate the author on the facts… The reason the Republican party is suffering is twofold. On one hand you have idiots like the author of this article who think they know what they’re talking about. They’re like the guy in your house who has a couple of drinks and they think they are political experts. On the other hand you have a bunch of people dependent on the government. These people will vote for whoever promises to give them the most. Obama also won over a ton of voters in swing states with moves like the auto bailout.

    Please don’t write political article when you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about….

    12 years ago at 1:35 pm
  6. FuckLiberals69

    But civil liberties aren’t frat, bro. True republicans give their civil liberties away in the name of “fighting terrorism.” Which Fox News said was a good idea, so it must be fratty, bro. questioning your wise overlords. NF

    12 years ago at 6:36 am