easily offended groups

A List Of The Most Easily Offended Groups
8 years ago

easily offended groups

Trigger Warning: Writing this article triggered me, so it may trigger you as well (because it involves sensitive subject matter and it’s just a really shitty article). Here is a comprehensive list, in no particular order, of the most easily offended groups in America. I apologize if I forgot about your group and offended you.

Vegans

Vegans can’t go 11 seconds without mentioning they’re a vegan. They’ll explode into a giant blast of kale and BuzzFeed articles. And they LOVE getting furious about meat eaters. If you bash vegans, they will come out of the woodwork and try to start a fight. Luckily they’re so physically weak you can just tap their shoulder and they’ll pass out.

Vegetarians

Vegetarians are like slightly less annoying vegans. Only difference is they eat dairy so they still have a fair shot at getting fat. Just kidding. There are actually some fat vegans, too.

Hardcore Feminists

This one is obvious. I shouldn’t even be writing this article. I should be checking my cisgendered heteronormative white male identifying able-bodied privilege and doing my part to smash the patriarchy. Last week I sneezed and I had to apologize because sneezes are rape culture. Seriously, stop sneezing, you fucking misogynists.

Sports Fans

Hardcore sports fans are the male version of hardcore feminists with how defensive and overzealous they are. I always lose track of if I’m supposed to hate Tom Brady or not. Seriously help me out. If I say the wrong opinion about any team or player, or spew an inaccurate stat about your pointless game, and a bunch of schlubby dudes with beer guts will show up at my house with baseball bats.

Nerds

Comic book fans have become so cocky and snobby. Did they forget that we used to shove them into lockers back in the golden age? Damn, those were the days. Please tell an internet superhero geek that the Marvel movies are boring or that Batman v. Superman wasn’t even bad, and watch them explode in rage because they apparently forgot that vaginas exist.

Rednecks

All the fury about Colin Kaepernick is living proof of how easily offended we are. Don’t believe me? Watch how angry the comments are because I just defended Kaepernick. A bunch of hillbillies hanging their old ass confederate flags, crying a river like millennial feminists. “Don’t disrespect my country! Derp derp derp.”

White, Liberal College Girls

Nobody is more easily offended than rich, white, liberal college girls. They get offended on behalf of every other group. They think they’re social justice superheroes, standing up for every marginalized group by writing angry tweets and pretentious think pieces, when in reality they look like condescending fuckfaces.

Religious People

You guys need to calm the hell down. Don’t worry, if I say something offensive, I’M the one going to hell. Not you.

Really Religious People

I’m looking at you, ISIS.

Atheists

Atheists love making jokes about how religious people are too sensitive, but atheists are JUST as easily offended. It’s hilarious. Try bashing atheists or atheism and a bunch of butthurt neckbeard redditors will give pretentious speeches about how nothing is real and try to ruin every party they’re at.

Fat People

This is weird. America has a huge obesity problem, but if we mention it then we’re fat-shaming. But guess what — some people are fat. Some people eat too damn much, look like giant bowling balls and don’t even know what the word treadmill means. If your freshman 15 turned into a freshman 500, you deserve to be shamed.

Wally Bryton

He’s such a pussy.

  3. Colonel Reb forever

    The part about “white liberal college girls” is perhaps the truest thing I’ve read on TFM, especially in regard to the pretty ones because they’re so ashamed of their “privilege.”

    I’m told it takes a lot of time (and rough experiences) for most of them outgrow this ideologically impractical phase. Until then, you can expect the claws to come out at even the slightest hint of perceived impropriety.

    8 years ago at 10:26 am
  5. Henry_Eighth

    The only good thing about Wally is that he made us forget how bad CatalinaCoke was.

    8 years ago at 10:29 am
  8. MalcolmSex

    Grandex is a for-profit business. The fact that Wally is still writing his shit articles means that he is generating a large amount of traffic and producing revenue. In order to get Wally out, we must boycott his articles as we have done in the past with The Chive (may god help us all if they return). I know it is nearly impossible to not tell Wally to shove his dick in a garbage disposal on his shitty columns, but if we resist long enough he will disappear.

    8 years ago at 11:53 am
  10. Magnum_Dong

    Man Wally is so edgy and anti-PC, I sure love that he isn’t afraid to speak his mind

    8 years ago at 2:20 pm