A National Ass Day Tribute
In a world where a holiday can be created by something as simple as a Twitter hashtag, it is rare to find an offbeat holiday that doesn’t reek of retardation. I’ve seen such ridiculousness as National Virus Day, Leif Erikson Day, and National TV Talk Show Day, and that’s only in the month of October.
While the idiotic trends of old will come and go, October 17th is not one of those days. Today, my friends, is National Ass Day, and this obscure holiday deserves to be thrust into the mainstream and celebrated by all accordingly.
I could tell you hundreds of ways to personally celebrate National Ass Day, but I’m sure there would be few you didn’t already know. Instead, I’d like to take a step back and examine what exactly about a curvaceous rear end drives the Ass Men of the world (myself included) absolutely crazy.
Boobs are a wonderful thing, I’ll be the first to admit, but the ass is a God-given gift that can’t simply be altered or adjusted. The term “Shake what your momma gave ya,” comes to mind, and it couldn’t be more true. A marvelous ass is nothing but the combination of some damn good genes (get it?) exposing themselves in a glorious display of voluptuous seduction.
Another clear advantage lies in the benefits of any lap related sexual activity. Nobody wants a Skeletor butt digging into their small intestines every time you try to pull off reverse cowgirl. Even something as simple as sharing a spot on the couch becomes an exercise in pain tolerance when you’re dealing with the assless of the world.
One of the most important factors is the ever important ass-to-waist ratio. Nobody wants lumpy fat girl ass, but a well toned tight individual with a minuscule waist is a resounding image of sex appeal. Evolution backs this claim up, as men are naturally hardwired to find a wide set of hips alluring to ensure survival of the species. How can you possibly argue with that (Please don’t give me a ‘Earth is only 6,000 years old and evolution is for Godless heathens’ argument)?
To the tit men of the world: I suggest on this wonderful holiday you try to break out of your mammary shell. Try not to pass up the unimpressive B-cup in your nightly prowl. Instead, evaluate by the assets visible only from behind. Most girls with a ravaging rump know damn well how to use it, and you very well could find yourself converted after a nut-busting hour of doggy-style. You’re welcome in advance for showing you the light.
In conclusion, I’d like to wish each and every one of you a glorious National Ass Day. If your girlfriend’s got ass, take an extra minute to grab it today. If she doesn’t, reevaluate the relationship. If you’re a girl with ass, might I suggest the tighter pair of jeans tonight. If you’re a girl without one, I’d just like to say I’m sorry for your genetic loss.
I will celebrate this day by watching the yellow river flow over the hills and down the brown road.
12 years ago at 3:30 pmGolden comment
12 years ago at 1:07 am*Golden shower comment
12 years ago at 2:48 am^ this
12 years ago at 9:36 amBut the earth IS only 6000 years old and evolution IS only for godless heathens. Is that what you were trying to avoid?
12 years ago at 3:49 pmThat’s why you’re a 5th year. Yes, I know you were kidding.
12 years ago at 4:41 pmI would totally smash a hot black chick. It’s all pink inside.
12 years ago at 3:51 pmGross…
12 years ago at 4:01 pmthat’s just disgusting…
12 years ago at 4:07 pmI’ve heard they’re purple, actually. So you’re pretty much NF.
12 years ago at 4:42 pmBestiality – NF.
12 years ago at 4:43 pmfucking this^
12 years ago at 5:51 pmPlaying in the mud might be fun, but you just end up getting dirty
12 years ago at 5:59 pmdude that’s disgusting. I can only imagine the smell… and just like looking at it… I mean ugh. I’d never bang a black girl. That’s sick. I couldnt even get a hard on.
12 years ago at 8:44 pmThomas Jefferson did so its fine
12 years ago at 9:15 pmTurning off the lights and being able to see only her eyeballs is the only acceptable excuse. Or using the hair grease as lube
12 years ago at 11:01 pmIf any of you can honestly tell me you wouldn’t fuck Hallie Berry, I will tell you how I know you’re gay.
12 years ago at 2:51 amHow do you know I’m gay?
12 years ago at 2:51 pmhigh Kapp has jungle fever
12 years ago at 11:18 amI’d have to be really drunk, she’d have to really really want it, I’d have to keep my eyes closed and I’d demand pictures/videos for blackmail just in case I ever need some extra spending cash.
12 years ago at 5:59 pmhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tujqM2u-BVo&feature=related
12 years ago at 4:16 pm^
12 years ago at 12:01 pmI love national ass day
12 years ago at 4:29 pmWHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PICTURES OF WOMEN’S ASSES.
12 years ago at 5:28 pm^
12 years ago at 6:07 pm^^
12 years ago at 8:10 pmA tribute with only one picture? Fuck this site.
12 years ago at 7:20 pmCould use a little more ass, and a lot less words
12 years ago at 9:45 pmWhat’s a Phi Tau?
12 years ago at 11:55 pmINTERN, POST PICTURES.
12 years ago at 8:55 am