All Staunton College Fraternities Suspended After Historic Campus Building Burns Down
Students, alumni, and members of the faculty at Staunton College were shocked to hear that one of the school’s academic buildings burned down late Saturday night. According to reports, Mosby Hall, constructed in 1923, was engulfed in flames by the time firefighters arrived on the scene.
“I just can’t believe it,” said Professor Jennifer Culver. “That building was a landmark on this campus.” The building was completely lost, but fortunately, nobody was inside that night. After an initial investigation, officials have ruled arson out of the picture.
“While there is some evidence indicating that the building was not intentionally burned down,” remarked the college’s Dean of Students, Scott Kanovski, “we are certain that fraternities were somehow involved. Numerous items, to include books and other documents, containing Greek lettering were found throughout what little remains of Mosby Hall.”
After searching every fraternity house on campus, officers of the Staunton College Police Department found, according to statements by the department’s chief, Don Hauser, “over 100 pieces of evidence” linking several fraternities to the fire, to include “matches, cigarette lighters, rocks that could have been hit together to create sparks, and over 58 gallons of grain alcohol that were likely used to start the fire.”
When asked if the fire marshal’s findings, which stated that all evidence seemed to show the fire was likely caused by an electrical short, had any effect on his belief that fraternity members are responsible for the incident, Dean Kanovski stated that, “This kind of thing could only be caused by a fraternity. I just know it. I mean, come on. Greek letters everywhere? Who else could possibly be responsible?”
As of this story’s publishing, all fraternities have been suspended for the remainder of the 2015-2016 school year. Until a replacement building can be built, the Classical Languages department will be relocated to McGuire Hall..
Image via Shutterstock
Being framed, NF.
10 years ago at 8:04 amfifty eight gallons of grain alcohol. did these people just distill?
10 years ago at 8:06 amI’m glad this was sarcasm because I actually believed the headline.
10 years ago at 8:08 amIs it sad that I actually believed it for a minute? I guess that’s just the new world we are living in.
10 years ago at 8:56 amI was halfway through Kanovski’s quote before catching on.
10 years ago at 10:38 amThat’s not evidence it’s just all the things you should find in there house.
10 years ago at 8:36 am*whoosh*
10 years ago at 8:45 amTheir. And being an idiot, NF.
10 years ago at 8:57 amWow man, thanks for explaining that one. Otherwise I would have never understood.
10 years ago at 9:07 amOnce again the Greek community gets blamed for something they clearly didn’t do
10 years ago at 8:49 amDid you even read the article?
10 years ago at 9:19 amSHOW US YOUR TITS!!!
10 years ago at 9:21 amI don’t take anything I read on this website as being credible anymore, it is no better than the tabloids, even if it is entertaining. You should do the same.
10 years ago at 10:15 amAutomatically getting blamed for doing something outrageously dangerous TFM.
10 years ago at 9:09 amThe TFM goes after the period, dipshit. Was English 101 hard?
10 years ago at 9:41 amWoah.
10 years ago at 9:46 amTry harder
10 years ago at 10:39 amIt was pretty hard… About as hard as my dick in your mom.
10 years ago at 10:59 amWe are rapists, we are murderers, now we are getting into arson. Hopefully by the end of 2016 fraternities can break into the espionage market.
10 years ago at 2:34 pmNew evidence shows that the fire started from friction caused by numerous gang rapes being carried out inside the building during a pan-fraternity/sorority rape rage, according to Dean Kanowski.
10 years ago at 4:02 pmMy cousin is a Delta Tau Chi there and he claims that it was the Pikes attempting to cook rooflin in the chemistry lab.
10 years ago at 8:10 am