America Bombs ISIS Flag On Kobane Hill, Because Symbolic Victories Are Important

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Nobody likes ISIS. Even Satan would be like, “Fuck those assholes with a dildo coated in Black Death spores.” When ISIS tried to plant its flag on a hill just outside Kobane, the American military did what it does best: responded with excessive but entirely justified force. Kobane is not really a strategic target in general. It’s one big fight for morale between the established countries and the asshole religious extremists of ISIS. The best way to make ISIS lose the war is to beat its morale so far into the ground that you’d need a bunker buster just to get it out.

So, seeing ISIS plant its little black flag on the hill like some kind of ugly pimple on the face of the Syrian desert, the Air Force decided to rain down righteous fury in the form of a multimillion dollar missile. Sure, it only killed a few guys and burned up a flag, but the symbolic statement was that you don’t fuck with America and the things America defends. Suck our multimillion dollar explosive death cocks, ISIS. While the president may not be committed to following you to the gates of hell, the American military is more than happy to oblige.

[via Business Insider]

  1. ZeteNJ

    Actually, Kobane is very strategic as it is a major border town right on the Turkish border. Turkey is a NATO ally. As a part of NATO, should ISIS start coming into Turkey, we would be bound both by international law (which I personally don’t give a fuck about) and also Constitutional law (Article 2, Section 2 “Treaty Clause”) to go balls to the wall backing up Turkey, along with the rest of NATO.

    11 years ago at 11:29 am
    1. Federal_Frat

      If I was president I would drop the big bomb on the whole damn region…but that’s why I’m not president

      11 years ago at 12:35 pm
      1. Teddy Fucking Roosevelt

        The “whole damn region” is a several thousand mile wide sub-continent full of millions of innocent people as well as terrorists. Sit down and shut the fuck up.

        11 years ago at 1:54 pm
    2. Teddy Fucking Roosevelt

      The worst part about Turkey’s involvement is there are dozens of Turkish tanks sitting well within firing distance of Kobani, yet they do nothing.

      11 years ago at 1:56 pm
  2. WoodFratReserve

    Its been a while but we need more “America: Big Swinging Dick of the World” articles to come out.

    11 years ago at 11:31 am
  3. Jordan206

    This is the only way these diaper heads learn not to fuck with shit. If America is Uncle Sam, then ISIS is our very much shit eating nephew who can’t stop touching cans and shit on the shelves while out in public. With that being said, sometimes you gotta smack the shit out of him when he acts up. Punishment in this case just happens to be destryoing a piece of black fabric on a stick, and a sand castle they built with their Reagan era plastic buckets.

    11 years ago at 11:33 am
    1. ShmeepStar

      1 up-voted GIF out of 5 I’ve seen in the past few days. You saved yourself with this one, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

      11 years ago at 12:34 pm
    1. 21st Century Goose

      Ever heard of a DoD budget? It’s a little thing that accounts for military operations in a fiscal year.

      11 years ago at 12:37 pm