In Shocking Turn Of Events, Americans Are Now Drinking Less Booze

PortlandPledgeHazers8 years ago

As we begin the new year and celebrate Earth’s 2018th birthday, people still continue to whine that 2017 was the worst year of all time. “Trump got sworn in, Chipotle made queso that tasted like cheesy napalm, and Taylor Swift released ‘Look What You Made Me Do,'” they say. None of this had any real impact on me, though; Trump’s policies do not affect my life as a 20-year-old alcoholic in any way, Chipotle tastes like grilled dirt in the first place, and I can always still listen to “Bad Blood” instead. However, one piece of data that was recently released shook me to my core and may very well have me on the “Fuck 2017” bandwagon.

From The Spirits Business:

Alcohol consumption levels were down 0.2% in 2017 compared to the previous year, dropping to 17.6 million gallons, or 7.4m nine-litre cases. This is more than double the decline seen in 2016.

Spirits consumption rose 2.3% in 2017, and wine sales were also on the up with a 1.3% growth in volume sales.

However, these positive performances were unable to offset the -0.5% decline of beer, which controls 79% of total beverage alcohol in the US.

The IWSR said the decline is “directly related” to the “slow-building” trend of moderation or abstaining from alcohol.

They noted consumers are favouring low-abv and alcohol-free mocktails, and “clearly gravitating” towards healthier drinking experiences.

What the hell, guys? I’m certain our grandfathers are rolling in their graves knowing that cheap domestic brews remain unsullied collecting dust in a warehouse somewhere in the Midwest.

I’m no genius, but it seems there’s a clear trend here. Those complaining about 2017 are likely also those who sidelined themselves from drinking for the sake of their health while their friends, not wanting to deal with them, pushed all concerns to the wayside and chugged Beatboxes. What abstainers clearly don’t know is that an alcohol cleanse can do wonders for your health and sanity (results not guaranteed). Let’s step it up this year, America..

[via The Spirits Business]

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