Amherst College Ditches Genocidal Racist Mascot For The Mammoths

Buzzy Robinson7 years ago

Changing times means changing mascots. All across the country, colleges are attempting to rebrand themselves in order to appear more forward-thinking and progressive.
So, in this era of PC culture, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that a liberal circle-jerk of a school such as Amherst College would be the first to change their outdated mascot… to the Mammoths.

For decades, the school’s mascot was “Lord Jeff,” referring to Lord Jeffery Amherst, the man for whom the college as well as the surrounding town are named. Seems appropriate, right? Not the best mascot, but it is original and it sounds cool. Better than a fucking Mammoth.

Which is more than can be said for dozens of other NCAA programs. Especially in a conference like the NESCAC where other college’s mascots include elephants, camels, purple cows, and roosters. Suffice it to say that the bar was set plenty low for old Jeffery.

So why did they change it? Why would they ditch the dignified sounding “Lord Jeff” for a goofy-ass animal mascot in a conference full of goofy-ass animal mascots? Allow me to answer your question with a question. Have you ever heard of smallpox blankets?

Turns out, Lord Jeff invented those! I am not at all joking. Feel free to google it. I’ll wait. Lord Jeffery Amherst was literally the fucking Eli Whitney of biological warfare/genocide. The fact that the town is named after this guy is like something out of Parks and Recreation.

The story goes that while Lord Jeff was serving as the commander of the British Armed Forces in Canada during the Seven Years War, he attempted to wipe out all of the indigenous peoples of North America by providing them with blankets that were infected with the pathogenic smallpox virus (Go Jeffs!). Which, spoiler alert, resulted in the deaths of thousands of Native Americans.

It would almost be less offensive if the school’s mascot were an actual smallpox blanket, which I imagine would look something like Towelie from South Park, but more blanket-like and upsetting. So yes, I do understand why Amherst College would not want a biological-warfare waging genocidal racist as their mascot. Completely reasonable.

But come on. The Mammoths!? I get it; branding can be difficult. It’s hard to cultivate a new image from scratch, especially when your old image was, oh yeah, the guy who patented the smallpox blanket. But seriously a mammoth sounds like it should be the mascot of a youth bobsled racing team in Saskatchewan. Honestly, at least pretend to take sports seriously.

If it were up to me I would simply drop the “Jeffs” and just be the “Lords.” Seems like a simple enough solution. People had a problem with our friend Jeffery specifically, not the entire system of British chivalry. It’s not the best name, but at this point that doesn’t seem like a big concern of theirs.

All that being said, I wish Amherst the best of luck with their weird new mascot. Even though it’s extinct, I think the mammoth will fit right in with the elephants, cows, and camels of the NESCAC. And at least now we know, once and for all, that the Amherst College Athletic Department does not support genocide. I have to respect their willingness to take such a firm stance on such a controversial issue. So in that regard, well done and go Mammoths..