An African Spider Craves Human Blood, Mankind’s End Now Imminent

Rob Fox13 years ago

Okay, I’ll admit, there are certain elements of this National Geographic story, about spiders craving human blood, that should technically alleviate my current state of unbridled terror. For example the spiders crave human blood from mosquitos. They select their prey based on what they smell, and if they smell human blood in a plump little mosquito then the spiders are on it like a blacked out fraternity guy who smells a late night burrito place. These spiders also aren’t known to attack humans… for now.

But you know what? I’m still terrified. I’m still frozen in shock. If someone dropped a fake rubber spider on me right now I would burn this building down around me, pediatrician’s office and all. It’s better the children die in a fire than by the evil fangs of an exotic spider. After all, can it be long before the spiders rise? This story comes after the one about the town in India that was overrun by angry, venomous spiders. The attacks left two people dead. Not only do spiders now crave human blood, but they’re organized. As far as I’m concerned that attack was an act of war against the human race. A once bubbling feud has spilled over, spilled over with HUMAN BLOOD.

I’m not one for sensationalist news, but if we as a people don’t respond quickly to this new, great spider threat, then society as we know it will cease to exist and the flames engulfing our once great nation will illuminate our arachnid foes as feed on our tastiest infants.

You’ve been warned.

• [via National Geographic]